A Day at the Office...

My new motto "Let Go and Let God..."

2012-01-12T23:13:00.006-05:00

This is what Owen looked like when he had just transferred to North Raleigh Gymnastics. He was 7. He had been taking gym at a local place when the owner told us Owen had too much potential to stay at his girl's focused gym. He actually called around and set up a time for Owen to be evaluated. We went but then sort of hemmed and hawed at signing him up. They wanted him on TEAM. This was a big, expensive, time-consuming commitment. I was just unsure. After a couple of months of him living on the trampoline, flipping on and off our couch, chairs, etc, we decided he needed it. Well, 7 years later here we are:

In the middle of the season last year, Owen hurt his shoulder on rings. After 8 months his coach decided maybe we should go have it checked out. An MRI and 1,000 hours of PT later, we discovered that he has a partially torn rotator cuff. I have been fortunate enough that my kids have been healthy. Orthopedist appointments and physical therapy appointments several times a week created havoc on our schedule as well as our checkbook. We were so uncertain what to do. The fact of the matter is Owen is a gymnast. It is part of his make-up, it is part of his identity.

He wasn't ready to give it up. I wasn't ready for him to give it up. I didn't feel as though God was ready for him to give it up. He wasn't done. So, we had him lay out of the first meet. Saturday(Jan 14) is the second meet. We are going. I am extremely nervous about it - not just for his shoulder. I am nervous because of fear. Fear of doing the wrong thing (about letting him compete), fear of him not doing well and being disappointed in himself, just fear of unsettledness. In all that fear I hear a small voice saying "Let Go and Let God". I know it, my brain knows it but my heart, my pride, my love for Owen tries to scream over that quiet voice. So, if you think of us bright and early this Saturday morning - just lift us up because I have a feeling I'm going to need it!

Second time is the charm? NOT

2012-01-06T15:19:00.003-05:00

I have probably posted a million things about expectations and control. Admittedly, I have issues with both. I like to know what to expect. Unfortunately, I am not a good listener so even if someone explains to me what to expect, I am still a little over the top. Okay, sometimes a lot over the top. But I have learned from experience that just because someone had one experience, doesn't mean it is going to go that way for me. I think most of us would admit that, should we be honest with ourselves. For example, take childbirth. You can line 50 women up and you would have 50 different stories. Even within my four, each has a different story - yet, after the first I knew what to expect. Adoption follows the same line. We know lots of people that have adopted, probably more than the average because I just sort of gravitate to it. Yet, every adoption story is different. Due to circumstances beyond our control, most of our original paperwork are reaching their expiration dates. Some, like physicals, we just have to keep redoing, redoing, redoing. But others, like fingerprints, homestudy, etc, are a little more involved in updating. In addition to all the updates, our oldest child is technically no longer a child and we have to refile our information with another adult in our household. We started out by (re)going to the courthouse for background checks. The first time we got all our stuff together - took the whole family - afterwards we went out to lunch, made a day of it. This time, we squeezed it in "on the way" to someplace else. 1st - Lady at court "Do you want me to file/send that for you?" Me (thinking to myself - you might not do something correctly and then there will be a delay) "no, thank you" 2nd time - lady asked the same question - I still said no but I had to think about it long and hard! The next place was to Homeland Security - 1st time we were so nervous and excited - all the way there we talked about names, room possibilities, etc. 2nd - again, on our way to someplace else. We literally had to take 4 cars! No romanticising for us! The last thing we had to do/update before Emily goes back to school was our homestudy update. The first time I nearly gave myself an ulcer. I am sure I repainted something. We made her lunch, the kids were lined up "Sound of Music" style, not even going to talk about how clean my house was - I am pretty sure even my attic was straight and well labeled. 2nd time - in my defense, it was the week after Christmas. Let's just say, I wasn't nearly as prepared. I don't even think we offered the poor woman anything to drink. The social worker asked me what we thought about the wait. I told her honestly that I try not to think about it. Some people give the number a special ring, some make it come only to a certain phone, I would probably think it was a telemarketer when they finally call us. All of this brings me back to my second issue of control. I cannot control any of it. I cannot control the how, the where, the when. I just hope and pray I don't have to let you know how I respond the 3rd time around! First time was passionate, second time was indifference, any wagers on the emotion of the third? :)

50 Random Things

2012-01-02T20:16:00.004-05:00

I copied this idea from a friend of mine. It is very hard to come up with 50 random facts! Enjoy, don't judge. :)

1. I was born in Rocky Mount, NC. I weighed 9 lbs 14 oz.
2. I am the first-born child in my family.
3. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 10. However, I didn't
consistently live like I meant it until I was 22.
3. When I was young, I wanted to be a boy.
4. As a teen, I didn't want to be a wife or a mother.
5. I thought I would eventually join the Peace Corps and adopt lots of kids.
6. Without Christ, I would be a democratic, libral, woman's advocate.
7. My first job was working the drive thru window at Taco Bell, I was 15.
8. I took dance - tap, jazz and ballet - from the time I was four until I was a
junior in college.
9. I don't like being told what to do.
10. I love chocolate.
11. I like to excersice but don't as much as I should.
12. I went to college to be a French major.
13. I met Ryan (my husband) the day after my 18th birthday. His friend was trying to
pick me up - I wasn't interested.
14. I would rather go to the beach than the mountains.
15. I love heights! Owen (my oldest son) and I plan to skydive for his 18th
birthday.
16. I remember where I was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I was in the
8th grade. We were watching it at school. One of our Science teachers was
selected to be 3rd runner up to go up in space on the Challenger.
17. When Ryan called to ask me out for the first time, I didn't know who he was.
(He had a nickname but he identified himself with his real name.)
18. I hate horror movies and green peas.
19. Fall is my favorite season.
20. Ryan proposed in the mall parking lot after he bought my ring - he couldn't wait
any longer!
21. Snickers is my favorite candy bar.
22. I detest coffee - even the smell.
23. I played soccer in high school.
24. Emily (my oldest daughter) was 15 months old when I graduated college.
25. I was named after both my grandmothers.
26. I am my father's only child.
27. I got married in my mother's wedding gown.
28. I drink one can of Dr. Pepper everyday. It's my vice.
29. I am over the top afraid of dentists. Crazy, I know.
30. As a teacher, I was crazy opposed to homeschooling!
31. I tried out for cheerleading (and made the team) in the 6th grade. However,
before school started, we moved to a different district. I never tried out
again.
32. When I was little, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
33. My favorite color is orange.
34. When I was young, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I love them dearly.
35. I love to learn but didn't like school.
36. I was on the Dean's List every semester in college after finally declaring a
major. I was on academic probation every semester before.
37. I love to file and organize things.
38. I like to move the furniture around in my house.
39. I have aunts, uncles and cousins very close to my age. They were great
playmates when I was young.
40. I turned down an invitation to interview for a teaching scholarship because I
was pretty sure I didn't want to become a teacher.
41. My first full-time paid job was teaching Kindergarten. The school was in my
backyard; I could walk to work.
42. Clutter gets on my nerves.
43. My husband is my best friend.
44. I like to do crafty projects but I am often frustrated/discouraged with how
they turn out.
45. My degree is in elementary education with a minor in psychology and dance.
46. I designed and live in my dream house.
47. I love my kids and being their mom is one of my greatest accomplishments.
48. There is no where in the world I would not like to go for a visit.
49. The thought of hungry orphans all over the world keeps me up at night.
50. Thankfully, my life turned out nothing like I expected. I am so thankful that
God gives us what we need, not always what we want. I am extremely blessed.

New Traditions

2011-12-20T21:28:00.005-05:00

I am a sucker for traditons. If nothing else, my kids should have a plethera of "we used to do..." or "remember when we..." This has been a year of transition for us. We are still working out what traditions are important irregardless of who is at home or will be participting vs. those that we MUST do together as a family. One thing we normally do as a part of our advent study is to put walnuts/pebbles into a jar. As I mentioned in a previous post, not much of that has been done this year. The purpose of this excercise is to discover what the walnuts (the most important things) are for each person. We discovered early on that if we put the walnuts in first, the pebbles (smaller less significant things) will always fit. It is a good focus on our priorities. It also helps us to stay focused on things each of us deem important during this holiday season. A few weeks ago my dad mentioned that a new ice stating rink had opened up downtown. I went to the website and gathered information. We decided to go on a Tuesday because 1)Owen doesn't have gym on Tuesdays and 2) it is buy one get one free night. Once we got into the car, I informed them that this was a "no whine, no fuss" event. I have to say, even the kids agreed, we had a glorious time. We haven't done something like that in a long, long time. We were way past due. The kids even humored me and let me take all kinds of pictures. We skated, went and ate dinner, then skated some more. I think it has definitely made the "to do again" list. We had ten million things we could have been doing - yet I know it was a walnut, even without doing the visual exercise!

Looking back...

2011-12-19T16:38:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, we had our first family Christmas gathering for the 2011 season. As we were driving home, Ryan and I were talking about something when I realized that we graduated from ASU 17 years ago yesterday. I don't know what made me think of it. It is crazy to realize that 17 years have passed. We were so excited. Ryan had his first "real" job interview the week before. We had gone, looked around the town, found a place to live, etc. We graduated on Sunday and then moved all of our stuff in on Monday. Then, went "home" to celebrated Christmas with our families. Crazy times. When we got back to Hendersonville, Ryan started immediately with tax season hours. Emily and I had to discover the town on our own. That was WAY before google maps and/or GPS, even cell phones really. I would have to call a place and ask for directions. They would say something like "well, go down road such and such and turn where Bobby's tire USED to be" (Umm, if I knew where Bobby's tire USED to be, I probably wouldn't need directions!) It is amazing to look back and see how far we have come as a couple, as parents, as a family. God has blessed us more than we could have ever imagined.

Stocking hung by the chimney with care....

2011-12-16T02:17:00.003-05:00

Umm, nope. Well, yes, they are hung. On a bare mantel, over a broken nativity. I have my candle holders out - the same ones I have used since 1998. Empty, with no candles. I have two boxes of "stuff" Ryan keeps begging to put back up into the attic "you only have a week" he keeps telling me. Here's the thing - I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas. Giving gifts is one of my most favorite things on the planet to do. However, I don't like gift giving to just get a check mark or to cross some one's name off of the list. I love all of the decorations. I have already mentioned my insane love for my house - it triples seeing it all lit up (or partially lit) Christmas lights. I love sitting around our crazy tree - our ornaments tell a life story (several, in fact) rather than a color-coded Martha Stewart type tree. I love reading all of the Christmas books (which haven't even been gotten down out of the attic.) In years past, I would wrap and number all of the books so that was our "countdown" for Christmas. I am pretty sure Alexa and Ian have never even heard some of these stories. And do you know what, for right now, I am okay with that. The crazy thing is, I am okay with the fact that my candle holders are empty (for now), that two strands of the icicle lights are out, that my nativity set needs even more hot gluing. I am not feeling the pressure "you only have a week". My mind is hearing/saying "you have a week." Now, next week, I may be crying a different song but for now, I'm good. Two years ago, Ryan and I took a weekend trip away to Christmas shop. It was one of the best things we have ever done. We went to a deserted Bed and Breakfast and stayed in the "Love Shack" cabin! I didn't even want to stay there because of such a cheesy name. However, it was the one with the special and it turned out to be a lovely cabin. I had my list and we shopped by day and stayed in the "love shack" by night (are you singing the B-52s song about now - it happened every single time!) Anyway, last year I was back on my own and I didn't like it. So, this year, I am not getting a weekend away but I am getting a day. Ryan has taken the whole day off tomorrow and we are leaving at daybreak and not coming home until we are done. I have my lists, my store plans, and my list of things "to discuss". I think that is why I cannot sleep, I am so excited! Ryan, not so much, but he is being a good sport about it. Then, next week, I have several activities planned for the kids and for us as a family to get us mentally ready for Christmas. I've got a week, I'll be ready!

Reflections of the heart...literally

2011-11-30T13:13:00.002-05:00

I am going to try to be brief. I am going to talk a little cryptic because I do not want an adoption blog. I cannot conform to the pressure. There is a whole page of "do not do, say, use, etc" that makes me incredibly nervous. Anyway, I haven't shared much just mainly because unfortunately, that is just sort of how I roll. It takes me much longer than most people to process things, much less talking about it. It's no secret that we are adopting. It is no secret that we have been waiting a LONG time! For the most part, I have been very patient. However, now that the holidays are upon us AGAIN it is becoming more and more disheartening. I never, not in my wildest dreams/nightmares did I think we would still be waiting, that we would buy yet another set of gifts for an unknown child we love so much. We are a part of an unofficial list that tells us when the people before us get referrals. Normally, I am so excited when I get the little "ding" on my phone that we have moved up. Thursday morning (Thanksgiving) I woke up to not one, but two "dings" - there had been two referrals on Thanksgiving. I would like to say I was happy for them, but I wasn't. I was MAD. I don't know why, those poor people had been waiting even longer than we have. It just plain aggrivated me. (Not them personally, just the fact that it wasn't us.) I held on to it for days. My reaction/response really bothered me. How selfish could I be - I know it is all in God's time table anyway. Alexa says it must really take a long time to find a Nemitz! In my quiet time this week, I have really been praying that God would not allow me to be angry. That my heart would understand it takes a long time to make/find a Nemitz and the He doesn't make mistakes in His placement. My head knows all of this, my heart not so much. Earlier in the week I was reading in Matthew ch 9 vs 37 "Then He said to His disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.'" This verse did nothing but fuel my anger. From my perspective, in the adoption world, the harvest is plentiful and the workers are plentiful if there just was not so much red tape! I remember my friend Christy saying this same thing when her family was in the process of applying to become missionaries. They were doing all they could to sign up to be a worker but were being discouraged at every turn.
The next quiet time reading again in Matthew "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am GENTLE and HUMBLE in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Emphasis mine) Gentle and humble - not the top two adjectives people would use to describe me. Okay, okay, I hear. Then, yesterday's lesson: "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him." I am forever telling my kids that when your heart is sqeezed, whatever comes out was already in there - it was not caused by the event. I was already building anger and frustration in my heart without even really being aware of it. When my heart was squeezed by the news of the referral the nastiness that was already in there, came squeezing out. Not pretty, I'm just being honest. So, all day today, I have been reflecting on the fact that "for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". Oh, how true. I want the overflow of my heart to be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenss and self-control. Once that is the overflow of my heart, my words will follow. A challenge for sure, but He says it so I believe it!

Thankfulness

2011-11-20T22:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed by thankfulness that I could just burst. This weekend was one of those times. It came on sort of sudden, makes me fight moments of extreme weepiness. Saturday, Alexa and Emily both had friends over. The older girls were sort of lamenting that they were unsure of what they wanted to do. They are both on a pretty tight budget and wanted good, clean, cheap fun. We were all coming up with nothing. So, we decided to play kickball. We went outside and divided the teams 4 -4. We played kickball until it was almost to dark to see the ball. We were pretty evenly matched - the scored ended in a tie. Then we came in to eat supper and decided to have a bonfire. During supper, Alexa decided she would like to play murder - her all time favorite game. So, we played a couple of rounds of murder then went outside to the bonfire. I was sitting there listening to the chatter going on, looking at the stars, watching the fire, sipping hot cocoa, listening to a few play on a rope swing in the barn and that is when it hit me - that overwhelming gratitude. I am just going to be a nerd and say for probably the 9millionth time: I love my house. Almost six years ago, when we first began building, we would come over to our "land" and have picnics and just hang out. Every single time, it was calming to me, peaceful. The feeling has never left. I know that it is not really the house, that it is the home we have made but I am still extremely grateful. A couple of days before closing, I remember being so fearful that something would happen and our house wouldn't really be our house. Ryan thought I was crazy. I just remember feeling like it was too big of a blessing. Early on, we were committed to using it for His glory. I hope that we have pleased Him with our efforts. I will forever be in awe of the many, many blessings He has bestowed on me that I do not even come close to deserving. I know at the end of the day, even as much as the kids laugh at me over my "love" for our house - they know what it means to be thankful - for both the house and the One who built it.

A long, long day

2011-11-16T22:53:00.004-05:00

This morning started out like any other hectic, crazy, "normal" Wednesday. Owen had biology at NLC, we had plans to see the Rembrandt exhibit at the NC Art Museum, Owen had gym, other kids had church. Like normal, I had taken the younger kids to the library while we waited for Owen to be done with Biology. I always put my phone on vibrate while we are there. Normally, they bring more "seatwork" type activities but because of the rest of our day, I decided to bring our Tapestry that I read aloud to them. We were sitting on the chair couch reading about Greek mythology when I felt my phone vibrate. I looked at my phone and I had 2 missed calls and 8 text messages. Already wondering what in the world, I press the button and see Emily had texted that ECU was on lockdown. Ryan had tried to call me when he got the same text - knowing that sort of information could send me straight to "freak out" mode. I have to say I did have the need to get out of the library. I was telling Ryan where to look on the website for alerts and such and Emily was still texting me. At that time, nothing was on any of the news stations yet. My mind was in a whirlwind. I was trying to be careful of what I said, I didn't want to upset the younger ears listening to everything I was saying. I remember thinking "this is crazy" and "once again, I have zero control." I had 10,000 thoughts running through my mind all at once. She was still able to text me that she was safe and that she could hear the police men, hear the helicopters, but had not seen anything / heard anything like gunfire. She was getting all sorts of texts from people who had "heard" what was going on. None of it true. Turns out that the man that had been seen with a rifle headed toward campus was actually a man with a large umbrella sticking out of the top of his backpack. Along the way, Emily was no longer able to send out texts. She finally called just as we were getting placed into our groups at the art museum. People were giving me all sorts of evil looks but there was no way I was not going to take that call. As quick as my mind went to fear with the first call/text, my mind went to relief when I heard Emily's voice and her telling me that campus had been given the "all clear". I remember vividly watching the coverage of Columbine and Virgina Tech. However, I am ashamed to say, I didn't pay much attention to UNC Wilmington's report of a gunman on campus earlier this week. I remember thinking "oh that's terrible" and I may have said a quick prayer but I can assure you, that will never be my response again. I have to say that waiting for the news of what was going on was the longest three hour wait of my existance. Being at the media's mercy, away from home, is not a good place to be. My fingernails are currently nubs - a habit I had given up long, long ago! In college, I observed a study that tried to learn the endorphins your brain emitted after a stresful situation: a near-miss car wreck, a fight with a loved one, being frightened, etc. Let me tell you, I felt the after effects. It is funny that I haven't thought about that study for years until I realized my neck was hurting, my head had a dull ache and I could severely use a nap. When I met back up with Ryan tonight is very first comment was "what a day!" Selfishly, I was glad he was feeling the after effects as well - it made me and my reactions somewhat "normal". I am thankful that I serve a big God who is in control of all things. I am also thankful that today the "gunman" was really just a man carrying an odd umbrella.

A little perspective

2011-11-15T13:49:00.002-05:00

When my first set of kids were little (we have decided we have eras - the Emily/Owen era and then the Alexa/Ian era)we almost always had some family chapter book going on. However, over time, with school pressures and outside activities increasing, it became something we did less and less. When Emily was in the 9th grade we began Tapestry of Grace. TOG is a lovely curriculum but has lots, and lots, and lots of reading! While we were all reading books on the same topic, we were not reading the same book and Ryan was left out. I have been praying and praying for some way to help Alexa see and understand how some people can/are called to the mission field. Recently, I came across a blog about a blog about a young girl in Uganda. The blog was promoting a book that this amazing young woman had written. I had a gift certificate to a local Christian bookstore and I went that day to pick up the book. I was thinking it would be a great time for Alexa and I to read this book together. However, after I got home, I read the forward and introduction of the book. I decided it would benefit us all to read it. So, for the past two weeks, each night at bedtime I have read a chapter out loud. We have had to be diligent, we have had to make sacrifices (yes, sometimes I am beginning the chapter at 10:00pm). I have to say it has been one of the best things we have done in a long, long time. The book itself is fascinating but the discussion that is taking place within our family is amazing. Last year as a Christmas gift to our children, we adopted a girl through Compassion International. The girl we chose lives in Uganda with her grandmother and 12 brothers and sisters. We pay for her to go to school, pay for her school supplies and uniform, and for her to have lunch while she is there. In her book, "Kisses from Katie" Katie Davis explains how she realizes how important school is to these children and how little American money it would take to send these children to school. "Less than most Americans spend on extra weekend money." How awesome to know we have a hand in helping a child like she discribes in the book. Several of Emily's friends have been to Uganda, we have seen the pictures, we have seen the land, the children, the poverty. We got online earlier today and looked through some of their pictures. People we know, affected just like in the book. We have another friend who is in Uganda right now. Living, working among the people we are reading about each night. It has brought Uganda into our world in a powerful way. It is amazing to me that we have known all of this but not connected it all together quite as powerfully as we are now. I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to share all of this with my children. That they will be exposed to mission, poverty, orphans at such a young age, an acute awareness of what is going on in the world around them. I have found myself praying for Katie's parents almost as much as I pray for Katie. To be the parent of a child being willing to give up everything for the cause of Christ has to be a mixture of contradicting emotions. I am thankful she was called, I am thankful she decided to share her story.

Thoughts on Tim Tebow

2011-11-08T13:16:00.002-05:00

I will say I compared to Justin Bieber, I know even less about Tim Tebow. However, I did meet his mother last year. She was speaking at a conference in MS. Owen and I were there for a gymnastics meet. We talked briefly on the escalator. I didn't know who she was until I saw her face on the poster announcing her session. Oh, the things I would have asked, had I known. Probably a good thing I didn't. The thing that has recently drawn my attention to Tim Tebow was an article I read by Fox News. I wish I could be techno savvy enough to give a link (wish being the operative word there). Anyway, this self-proclaim secular writer was pointing out how intense the dislike for Tim Tebow is. Apparently, after doing something good at/in football, he goes down on one knee - it has become known as te-bowing. Recently, sometime during a game, a few "teammates" mocked him and his bowing. This article was stating that he wondered what would happen if he had been bowing to Mecca. If he had been Muslim and were to be made fun of on national television, there would be **** to pay. But, because he was a Christian, bowing to the the One true God, the mockery was allowed, even encouraged. Then, the author when on to suggest that the reason for his intense dislike is that people have been waiting for him to fall. Waiting for him to do something to make him a hypocrite. He has been in the national spotlight for the past 5 years, they are still waiting. Instead of giving him an "atta boy" they dislike him, intensely. Then the author goes one more step and says, "why him?" There are lots of athletes that call themselves Christians, that thank God for their victories. The difference is how they live during the week, during the off-season, during their "time off". The major difference I see is the practicing of a religion vs a relationship. As a Christian, if you have a relationship with Christ, you have it all the time. Sometimes, even when you don't want too. In opposition, if you merely have religion, it is easy to put it on and off as needed/wanted. As a parent, I want to send him a letter, I want to say "atta boy", I want to say I appreciate the example you are setting for my athletic boys, I want to say I know persecution is tough and it's lonely, I want to say it means that the world has taken notice, I want to say I will pray for you to stay strong. That young man has unbelievable pressure on him. Pressure in football, pressure to not fail, while those around him are secretly (and some not so secretly) are hoping he does, pressure to continue to allow his actions to be just as loud as his words. I may not know much about Tim Tebow and football, in general. However, I know he inadvertently picked up a fan. I will be watching, I will be praying.

Bieber Fever?

2011-11-07T23:32:00.003-05:00

Luckily, I don't know much about Justin Bieber. I could identify one of his songs, I know he was a you tube sensation, he dates Selena Gomez, he is from Canada, and he had some hair thing going on. Until last week, that was all I knew and way more than I needed to know about him. However, I have been sucked into Beiber Fever. I cannot stop reading about the 20 year old woman that has accused him of fathering a baby. When that caption came across my internet screen, my thoughts were: 1)no way, he is just a little kid (I prefer to believe 16 year old kids are innocent and not capable of fathering children), 2)where were his parents 3)how could you just claim something like that 4)Bill Clinton. I know, crazy thoughts. At first, I saw he was refusing a DNA test. Why? Why would you not let them swab your mouth and be done with it? I get the whole invasion of privacy, etc. but hello, clearing your name, proving your innocence? I guess that is what sent me to the Bill Clinton thoughts. How could you vehemently say you are innocent, knowing the whole time you are guilty? I am glad to see that he has agreed to the paternity test and then plans to sue her. I was reading today that this sort of thing happens ALOT to celebrities. That is just a crazy, crazy thought to me. It is so easily disproved / proved. I think people have truly gone madd. I am grateful there are celebrities. I love a good tv show, a great movie, etc. but for most of them, I feel very, very sorry for. I could not imagine me, my family, the people I care about being hounded by the media, constantly portrayed in the news, etc. I hope, for his sake, for teens all across America's sake, that he really is as innocent in the matter as he says he is. One thing about it, the truth almost always comes out in the end.

Thanksgiving Project(s)

2011-11-02T23:58:00.003-04:00

This past Saturday a rare thing happened in our household: I didn't have anywhere I had to go on a Saturday. Of course, it happened by accident so it wasn't like I could prepare or plan a project ahead of time. Owen was sick and Ian's football pictures were cancelled due to the rain. Anyway, I found myself with several hours of "nothing" to do. I sort of laughed at us as we all (except for Owen who didn't move off of the couch) just roamed around. I decided that my picture boxes needed some organization. I am a scrapbook wanna-be. Yet a complete failure at it. I do not have one single album. However, I do have a container labeled for each year and each event is in a baggie in chronological order. (Supposedly to help myself just grab a bag to complete a page.) Due to digital cameras, I had fallen behind on my "baggie" style picture filing. I also have every ticket stub, wrist band, invitation, playbill, newspaper article etc. for my said scrapbooks. These items had gotten just stuffed into a larger container and were all over the place. Nothing brings out my nostalgia worse than pictures. My kids love pictures as well. I dream about them sitting around, us all looking through my wonderful albums laughing and reminising together. Luckily for me, they are just has happy looking through the labeled baggies and are quite proficient at putting them back.
Anyway, on to the point, as I was organizing the scrapbook stuff, I came across each of my kid's Thanksgiving projects. I am such a Kindergarten teacher. To celebrate Thankgsving for each of my children's Kindgarten year, we made a Thanksgiving turkey. We cut out thousands (not really but close to 100) construction paper feathers that said "I am thankful for..." Then weeks before Thanksgiving we mailed the feathers to family and special friends. I have the feathers from all 4 kids turkeys. I have the sweet notes friends and family sent back with their feathers. As I was reading the feathers it was fun to see the overlap, the change in priorties as the years went by. Then, I got even more nostalgic. I have a limited amount of things that I did consitently with each of them. Will I remember to help our new baby make a Thanksgiving Turkey? Will I save each little piece of paper? Then, I thought "get over yourself - of course you will - you already have a baggie labeled 'Thanksgiving project' - what else could you possibly put in there?" Then I had a good laugh at myself and decided that a cold rainy Saturday was not the day to sort all of my prized possessions. I am sure one day, my kids are going to wonder why I saved all of this stuff, and then, with a laugh, they will remember...

Goals vs Desires

2011-11-01T22:42:00.002-04:00

Recently, at a meeting I attended, we were given a sheet labeled goals vs desires. I had never really given much thought to a difference between the two. In my mind, you work hard enough toward your goal and gain the desired effect. However, as I am getting older/wiser, I am learning more and more that this is not the case. The worksheet labeled a goal as an objective under my control - depending upon my willingness. A desire as a legitimate yearning for certain responses from others - but for something which is out of my control. A desire can't be reached by my efforts alone. These two definitions popped my balloon. The worksheet went on further to say that the appropriate response to a desire is prayer; the appropriate response to a goal is proper action. Goals are related to the fulfillment of our basic need - desires are not. Our heart must never be set on reaching desires. We often make the mistake of praying for goals and trying to assume responsibilities for desires. Problems arise when desires become goals.
It is no secret that I am a goal oriented person. Like I said, I have never given much thought to the differences between goals and desires. Yet, I found this information to be profound. Adoption has taught me a lot of things. One of the lessons that I am currently learning is that it can be my goal to adopt. My part of that would be what is under my control - the paperwork, the follow-up, the monetary obligation, etc. I definitely desire to adopt. Desiring adoption is the epitome of this definition of desire; something that is out of my control. A desire cannot be reached by my efforts alone. I know that I serve a big God. I know that if it is His will for us to have a child, we will. I know that nothing can stop or stall His timetable. I have to be willing to do my part; no more, no less. I guess that is my new goal...

Lost

2011-10-05T19:41:00.003-04:00

People don't have to know me very long to know that I am a lister AND a check - it - off the list lister. I have struggled with to-do lists most all of my adult life. I could make a "to-do" list with 50 things on it - knowing I couldn't possibly get to all 50. Say I made lots of progress and marked off 35 or so. Those 15 unmarked things would drive me crazy. However, somewhere I came across the general idea (of course I had to tweak it for my own purposes) of keeping a "to do" list notebook. I have never been good a prioritizing today's list, tomorrow's list, next month's list, etc. The concept behind this notebook was that I could date each days "to do" list and mark it off as I got to it. For some reason, this method was working for me. Not only was it working, I was thriving. It didn't matter that I hadn't crossed it off the list - it would be waiting for me the next day. As the pages were all marked off, I either tore them out or if I had notes I needed on it, I would give myself a "completed" stamp. I know, I know, I need therapy. But hold on, it gets worse. This method was working so well for me I went back to Wal-Mart to buy two more notebooks (of different colors of course) to use for my other nagging lists. I had a nice pink one for recording my weight each morning and the foods I had eaten that day. I had gotten a nice black one to record each day's spending habits. (I thought black was a nice, dreary budgety kind of color) and my wonderful "to do" notebook was blue. Do you see the problem? I said WAS! I have LOST my "to do" notebook and I don't even have to say how sick I am over it. It has been two weeks. I have scoured the house, the van, any and every bag I could have possibly used in the past two weeks and it is GONE! Last week of continually looking, I gave up. I told myself I could move on. I decided I would use the pink as my new "to do" list. I decided this because I am trying to be extremely budget conscious and the fact that the notebook was only $2 or the fact that is was almost used up is irrelevant. I tried it for two days. I couldn't do it. So today, I ransacked everything again thinking surely I had just missed it and it was simply lying somewhere waiting for me to come back. That elusive somewhere... I can't let it go - there were things still on the list that I was looking forward to checking them off. "So go buy a new notebook and write them all down again" you say - I can't. I don't remember them. The loss of my "to do" list notebook caused a domino effect. I have not written in my food journal nor my bank journal since it has been lost! So not only have I wasted the $2 of the notebook I lost, I have also wasted the $4 I spent on the other two. I guess my faith in my wonderful system has been shaken. Therapy, I tell you, lots and lots of therapy...

What do we know?

2011-10-04T23:59:00.003-04:00

Tonight Alexa began a new activity. It was the first activity she has ever done drop-off style all alone. She has done drop-off style events, even overnight camp away, however; she always had at least one friend with her. This time, the venue was new, the people were new, we didn't know anyone. It was a new experience - for both of us! Afterwards, we had to run some errands and we ran into a 'friend'. Anyway, I was telling her where we had just come from. Her response was "wow, your kids are involved in a lot of things." I often tell my kids that sometimes it is not the words you say but how you say them. This 'friend' said this in a condescending, judgemental sort of way.
As a whole, most of my kids are not involved in much as far as the listing goes. But, when you are one of four, the miles / time involved really adds up. Owen is a gymnast. It is part of his identity. At the height of the season, he spends almost as much time with the guys at the gym as he does his dad. What started as a 45 minute commitment once a week as grown into much, much more. That is what happens; you commit to a sport, you increase in skill and level, obviously over the course of time, the money as well as time increases as well. He has been enrolled in one gym class or another for the past 9 years. That is a long, long time. Through the years, we have discussed if the time, money, effort Owen puts into the gym is worth it. I continually come up with "yes", it is, for so many reasons. Reasons he would probably not appreciate me listing publicly! Last year, Owen hurt his shoulder. It has increasingly become more and more painful. His coach suggested we go ahead and get it checked out. He has done damage to his rotator cuff, something that take time and a lot of therapy to correct. This shoulder injury has been tough. He has been down, he has been disconnected, he has been full of melancholy. I don't know what the Lord has in his future, I don't know if gymnastics may or may not play a role. I just know that, for now, that is where he is supposed to be.
Wondering why I am dwelling on this? I just watched Sara Groves video for the song "I Saw What I Saw." I have watched this video nearly a million times. Okay, not really a million, but definitely 10 - 15 times. Tonight, I as she was singing and I was watching the video, I was so completely broken. The sweet faces, the words on the screen, all of it. Tonight, was just overwhelming. Then, I started wondering, I wonder if anyone ever questioned her mother's motives - asking if she had too many voice lessons, too many piano lessons, too many guitar lessons, etc. How effective would she be traveling the world, singing of God's grace and abundance and bring an awareness like only a person of her stature can? I don't know if any of my children will ever use their gifts and talents for the Lord on a grand "change the world" mass scale. However, it is my prayer that they each have a platform in which they are able to use their gifts and talents as a tool to share the gospel. Those platforms look as different as each of my individual children - none greater or less than the other - just different. So, unless I ask you to continually drive my children to their events, pay for my children's events, or ask your opinion of said events, please, please keep your opinions to yourself!

Integrity

2011-09-20T00:03:00.002-04:00

I was on such a roll. I knew this would happen. I dropped blogging from my "normal" routine and months go by. A lot has happened in that month. We went on vacation, we moved a child to college, we started school, we moved a child to college... Oh yeah, I said that already. One day I am going to blog all about this transition. One day ... not yet. However, it has made me notice life. One of the things Emily has been talking about is how hard it is to know people, to really know people. Last week during church I was thinking about this (it really was related to something the pastor said.) We were sitting sort of in the back. I was looking at all the heads in front of me. Some people were listening intently, some were taking notes, some were looking around. It made me start to wonder about them. Why were they there? I will be the first to admit, I am a skeptic. I have known many a "Sunday" Christian. In fact, until my adult years, I would venture to say that I knew way more fake than real. I detest fake. My kids do not understand fake.
This Sunday, I was closer to the front. I didn't have as many heads to look at. However, the pastor said that each year they send out a commitment letter. I commitment letter asking for each member's yearly intended giving. He said that 60% of the congregation mail those letters back with a designated amount yet never send any tithe at all. My mind questions "how could you do that"? Why would you even bother sending the letter back in? Do you kid yourself that they don't really record giving? I understand that things happen but to 60%? That's a lot of people saying one thing and doing another. Now, let me just clarify that I am not perfect, not even close. I just want to be real. I want to be as real on Sunday mornings as I am all during the week. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. Emily is learning the hard lesson that, while it should be and has been for most of her life, integrity is not always a character trait people strive for. This morning, a friend of mine had this quote as her facebook status: "Few things are more infectious than a godly lifestyle. The people you rub shoulders with everyday need that kind of challenge. Not prudish. Not preachy. Just crackerjack clean living. Just honest to goodness, bone-deep, non-hyprocitical integrity" ~ Chuck Swindoll. Now that's what I'm talking about! Imagine what our world would be like if the human race showed that type of integrity. Forget the human race, imagine if all Christians showed that type of integrity. It's definitely a goal worth striving for!

My new Hero

2011-07-27T21:33:00.003-04:00

This afternoon I was making my weekly trip to Sam's Club. I had finished my shopping. As I am walking out of the store to my van, this man comes up to me (he looked like a normal man). I thought he was going to ask the time. He had a beach umbrella and something else that apparently he needed to return. Anyway, he came extremely close and says "Girl, you looking fine - you married?" Ummm, excuse me? As I stuttered and stammered that yes, in fact, I was married. He stands there looking at me and I rush off. Anyway, thankfully, I was parked beside a large air conditioning repair vehicle. I hear someone calling "Hot lady" , "Hot lady". I peer around the van to see the man walking through cars looking, apparently, for me. The hatch is broken on the back of my van, so it is very difficult to load groceries into the back, forget doing it quickly or inconspicuously. I am already thinking through my assault pattern if he approached me again. You would see me on the 6 o'clock news assaulting a man with his own beach umbrella. The man was getting closer, still calling out, when a UPS guy came down by the car. I call him over, explain my dilemma. So, he graciously stood there and held open my hatch while looking out for the crazy man. Eventually, he gave up and went into the store. I apologized to the man for stopping him. The crazy thing is, he looked more "scary" than the man that approached me, yet he brought me great comfort. After I got into my car and the UPS man took my cart, I wondered if I should have gone into Sam's to report him or something. He hadn't actually done anything, just made me extremely uncomfortable and I am not generally spooked. If he really wasn't crazy, I wonder if he gets many positive responses from that type of tactic. And if he does, what does what type of person could/would respond favorably. How on earth could that be viewed as flattery? I also couldn't get over how boldatious he was. It was 8:00, still very much daylight, in a semi-crowded parking lot. I have come to the conclusion that creepy, stalkerish men creep me out! Ryan said I could do a new commercail for UPS: "What can brown do for you!"

Melancholy

2011-07-27T10:15:00.002-04:00

I am feeling a bit melancholy today. I am a slave to my checklist. It is nearly the end of summer and none of the "important" things have been checked off my list. In years past, summer has been an incredibly productive time for me. I don't know what has happened the past two summers. I had a large list of things I wanted to "catch up" on for school, some home repairs/rearranging, and some painting projects that needed my attention. Not to mention some serious deep cleaning. During the summer I usually take down and wash all of my curtains, blinds, windows, and artifical plants. So far, I have only done about half. On days like today, I regret putting in all of these windows! However, the largest untouchable on my list has been school. I am stuck. We didn't quite finsh up, wrap up, put away at the end of the year as we normally do. We had an extreme schedule for May/June. Normally a busy time, we added prom, graduation and an extreme testing schedule that lasted until the end of June. All of that left me just pooped. Slowly, I have been cleaning off Emily's shelves. I took down the table in the school room because she was the only one who used it. I am having a hard time figuring out what I want school to look like. I have one who will be beginning 9th grade. Then, I have two that will be 4th & 5th. The span seems increasingly huge. I feel more confident coming into high school this time than I did first time around. But still uncertain with so many details. I know that I am not supposed to have all the answers. I just like it better when I do. :) I have decided that either I am an extreme procrastinator (yes, I know I am) or I really do prefer to just cram at the last minute. I know that at the 11th hour, I will have school ready. So, for now, I am just going to continue to focus on the "want to" of my to do list - extreme cleaning bathrooms, cleaning out closets, under beds, washing linens, etc. All the things that make it easier for me to do/plan school. Twisted, I know. I am sure there is a therapy group out there somewhere... Oh well, until then, closets - here I come!

See you soon, then

2011-07-25T23:17:00.010-04:00

In the book/movie Dear John (I do not endorse the movie nor the book - if fact, it is one of my least favorites)the main character and her soldier do not say "goodbye" they say "See you soon, then". This weekend we said "goodbye" to some very dear friends. Throughout our married life, we have only had a handful of couples that we were "couple" friends with - friends that I like the wife as much as Ryan liked the husband and vice versa. Maybe "like" is the wrong word, but hopefully, you know what I mean. Anyway, the Campbell's and the Nemitz's forged a friendship way back in 1999/2000 in a young married Sunday School class. Christy and I bonded in our neurotics with child-rearing, education and our passion for children (aka - strong opinions in how that should be done). I think Ryan and Ryan bonded out of sheer necessity of that kindred spirit in the "see what I live with" category. Anyway, Ryan and Christy moved away to Greensboro. After that, we would meet up each year at the Homeschool conference at The Downtown Deli and catch up. They had two more kids, we had two more kids. We would share pictures and "what's going ons". Then, they moved again and we lost touch. That is until the Children's Pastor at Faith felt lead to a different direction and his parting words were : "You remember Ryan Campbell? He would be a great fit for Faith." And presto a friendship was reborn. Now we knew the foursome was a good fit, but who knew our kids would come to care so deeply for one another. Emily and Abby - older sisters extraordinaire, Lizzy & Alexa - two peas in a pod, Ian & Isaac - two little old men in young boy's body, even Abe & Owen- twins separated at birth. Lilly was the only one without a match and she fit nicely into whichever group/pairing she felt compelled to join. We vacationed together, we schooled together, we did life together. Now they are moving on to the next chapter of their lives. We met yesterday to say our final "see you laters". I moved a lot as a child. Back in those days, just moving across town made you lose all connections with former classmates/friends/neighbors. However, now that is not the case, friends are no further away than a click of a button. Due to technology, the Nemitz/Campbell clan can still vacation together, school together, live life together. We just have to be more purposeful and intentional in doing so. I think I finally have Alexa convenced that even though it is not as great as having Lizzie here, having a Skye partner in Africa is VERY cool!

These girls can wear the same outfit on the same day, without even calling one another! We can shop in the same store (at different times, in different states) and they come home with the same outfit! Crazy, I know.

Isaac's third birthday party was the first friend party Ian was ever willing to go to. They have been kindred spirits every sense; quiet and sensible outside the house, wild and crazy inside the house!

These two boys were cut from the same cloth! Two of the most lovable, curious, brightest, strong-willed boys you'll ever meet. God's got great BIG plans for these two!

Back in the Beginning

2011-07-24T23:33:00.002-04:00

This morning in church, I was sitting with Owen. We had rearranged our schedule a bit for today and everyone else was in Sunday School. We were singing a song, I don't even remember now what it was and I had this overwhelming thankfulness. I had an overwhelming thankfulness to a man named James Walker. I don't know why at that moment, his face flashed into my mind. He was the pastor at our first real, we are serious about having a grown up, christian life church. The church was huge. We visited there one Sunday and the following Tuesday the Pastor and his wife were knocking on our door. Our house was a DISASTER! They came to the front door (which we never used - only to find out that it was painted shut.) I could go into a whole other post about the condition of that house but I won't. I will just say that now it is a parking lot and leave that at that. Anyway, they came to the door. His sweet wife saw that I was about to die from embarrasement and suggested we sit out on the deck (either that or she was afraid of catching something from my house!) She offered to chase Emily around (she was 16 months at the time) while we sat and talked to James. We were sitting on that back deck and he asked each of us our testimonies. He interrupted Ryan in the middle of his "spill". I say that because Ryan had a rote memory account and said in all sincerity "I don't mean to question you, but are you sure?" No one had ever questioned him before. Needless to say, that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I know that eventually we would have gotten to the place God wanted us to be but I am so thankful that He chose to put them in our paths. We learned so much there and met so many wonderful people that had such a huge impact on our lives. This morning, 16 years later, I still feel the effects of the thankfulness that those people were willing to invest in our lives. That they cared enough about us to say "are you sure?" That they could see a bigger, better picture of us 16 years down the road that we couldn't even begin to imagine. It made me challenge myself and my family to ask "who are we investing in?" and "am I doing enough?"

Creating a Legacy

2011-07-23T15:11:00.003-04:00

Ryan and I attended a memorial service for a young man this afternoon. He was a 21 year old soldier killed in the line of duty in Iraq. We didn't know him personally but have lots of friends of a friend in common and were members of and involved with the same homeschooling support group. I have never attended an active soldier's funeral. I have been to plenty where they were veterans and were honored. During the service I noticed two things. One - there were lots, I mean lots, of young men and women about his same age that were in the military. A lot of kids within the homeschooling community enlisted in the services. I was thinking about patriotism and how great it is that so many kids can be so passionate about having the honor of protecting our country. As I was thinking about this, I realized that most of these kids would have been somewhere between 10 - 15 when 9/11 happened. The military became up close and personal to America. I was struck with such a series of emotions. So glad that so many of these young people (any people, really) were called to the armed services. At the same time, I am thankful that presently none of my children have that drive. Though I would whole heartedly support them, and be proud of them, I would selfishly want to keep them safe. That thought moved me to my next point (I really was listening as well, I was multi-tasking). Two, we cannot really keep them safe. At the moment, my daughter is getting on an airplane and coming back home. We are driving in a car to go get her. In a matter of months, we will be moving her to a college campus. All of that involves risk. Which brought me to my next thought. What would my legacy be? I would hope that people would say that I am kind, that I care for others, that I am loving & giving but would they know the real reason as to why I strive to do those things? Would they know it is because I so want to hear "Well done" when I get to heaven. Not because of the things I have done, but because I am so unworthy of the price my Savior paid for me. What about my children? What would their legacy be? From all the people who shared it was obvious how much this young man loved life, loved his family, loved to hunt and fish. Then his Pastor got up and shared about his relationship with Christ. About how he cared for others and wanted them to know the same peace he had about where he would be should he end up dying for our country. I am thankful that each of my children have a relationship with godly men that would be able to share how they have seen the fruit of their decision to follow Christ. It is my goal that my children would continue to strive to make positive lasting relationships in the name of Christ for the rest of their lives. What is your legacy?

Dietary Changes

2011-07-22T17:58:00.003-04:00

If you were to ask me if we had poor eating habits, I would so no. We are not as super healthy as some not nearly as bad as some others. I would say we fall somewhere in the middle. However, for the past several weeks, we (I) have been trying to make some subtle changes in our diet. I am not home enough to go all out - no processed food, no sugar, etc. But I wanted to make just a few changes - no juice, no soda & no sweetened cereals. Just overall, cut down on carbs & sugar. No absolutes, just cut back. Oh my goodness. I had no idea people under my charge would buck me at every turn. I had no idea that sugar is snuck into so many things! Drinking mainly water has been one of the biggest complaints. My kids don't drink soft drinks very often, but they would drink koolaid & juice 90% of the time. In addition to this, we started a supplement regimen. The supplements are EXPENSIVE! However, I do feel as though everyone could benefit from the 3 month regimen. The problem is, I have no idea what I am doing. I have read, I have studied, I still come up empty. Some of the things I would consider more "healthy" actually have as many (sometimes more) sugar and carb count than the item I replaced. I don't like unknowns. We are on week three and some days (like today) I think "is it worth it"? How bad could 3 cups of koolaid REALLY be compared to my sanity? Yet, I hear this small voice that reminds myself why I decided to try this in the first place. Really, it is no different than making them do their math, making them clean their room, etc. Oh, but it would be SO much easier! Three weeks down - 9 more to go!

Questions?

2011-07-21T23:48:00.003-04:00

I don't know why I bother keeping a blog. I don't really like it. I love, love reading blogs. I just don't enjoy writing them. I don't know why, it seems too personal. Yet, three times in the past few months, I went to delete it but couldn't. I guess I don't really know my purpose. It is not a diary of everyday events. It is not share my thoughts/ideas with the world. Maybe I just thought it would be cool and gave into peer pressure. Several people have asked if I have an adoption blog. No, I don't. Several people have asked me recently if I have a "my journey through homeschooling" blog. Umm, NO. So, I just have a random, hodge podge of a blog; nothing personal, no deep thoughts, no adoption news and/or timelines, no homeschooling journey. Actually, it sort of fits my hodge podge of a life!

I have decided recently that having four kids is hard. I mean hard, hard. I suppose if I was a more laid back sort of mom, it wouldn't be as hard. Here is the thing, for every child we have a different stage and we also have to deal with how that stage affects everyone else and how they are going to respond. For example, Emily has graduated and is about to go off to college. I have several stages going on here: Emily - her stage is preparing to leave home 2)How everyone else responds & reacts to her leaving home. I am always afraid that I am not giving someone something they need. The more clingy they get, the more suffocated I feel. Alexa is in a needy, needy stage. Yesterday, we were in Sam's club and I think she touched me, rubbed me, patted me at least 50 times. I know this because every time she did, she shocked me. Literally. Alexa's touch limit is 5,000, mine is 2. Now, I came home exhausted and ready to be alone. Yet, the minute I sit down, two more are sitting nearly on my head. I am not naive. I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I also know, firsthand, that these stages are not going to last forever. Pouring yourself out day after day, is hard. Yet, I know that is what I am called to do. I am reminded time & time again of the first women's bible study I went to as a stay-at-home mom. The first day she had us make aprons so that we could remember whom it was we truly served. That I serve Him by serving my family. I often have trouble turning my brain off when it is time to go to sleep. I read somewhere that if you read one verse and meditate on that while trying to sleep, it would help keep my brain more focused. I loaded this nifty tool on my "smart" phone to help me. Last night, my verse was Matthew 20: 26 - 27: "But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave." Coincidence? I think not.

Mother's Day

2011-05-04T00:37:00.005-04:00

The Girl I Used to Be
by Rowena K. Lewis Copyright 1997.
She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be.
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye, and questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame, all the wonderful things to do?
Where it the mansion of stately height, with all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you, and the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad, for I wanted her pleased with me.
This slender girl from the shadowy past, the girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay, innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood, of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls, for the dear ones who come and go.
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl that I used to be.
I read this poem on earlier today and I been reflecting on it all evening. I don't know very many women whose childhood career aspirations were to be a "mommy". While I don't doubt that motherhood may have been in the back of their minds, it was to be a "mommy" AND a ... For most of my childhood, I never had a clear "this is what I want to be". Sure like every other girl, I wanted to be a ballerina, a lawyer, circus performer but never a mother. Then God changed my plans (and thankfully my heart)and allowed me the blessing of children. Being a mother is hard. Being a "good" mother is even harder. I know that there will be woman all throughout my life who do not understand the choices I have made. Investing all I have in the lives of my children could not compare with any material things the world or workforce could ever have to offer. Listening to my youngest, most reluctant reader read aloud the Christmas story on Christmas Eve to a roomfull of people, having a person compliment on the character in which your child competed - without knowing he was being watched, having one child with the most tender-heart reach out to those less fortunate around her, having my first born confidently leaving the nest, poising her wings to soar high are gifts that only a mother could truly treasure. While I may not change the world, I know that the world is a better place because my four are in it. I know that the girl I used to be is so grateful that God's plan for me was perfect; better than anything I could have asked for or dreamed about.

Given up

2011-04-26T22:38:00.003-04:00

I have to say that I have been thinking a lot about blogging lately. Since my last post was December of 2010, there is proof that I have been thinking and not DOING. I don't know, I have conflicting emotions. I love reading blogs. It gives me an up-close & personal feeling about people I don't even know. My problem is I love reading blogs, not sharing blogs. I think it is a malfunction in my brain. Even as a child, I would write a journal entry, then rip it out and throw it away. I was unsure of my purpose in blogging. I was intimidated by blogs that were affecting the world, that were interactive with people, that had purpose, meaning. However, I still felt I had something to say, to share. While my blog may not be very consistent, while the topics may be scattered to the wind, while it will most likely be full of grammatical and punctuation errors, it is still mine. So, I am not going to give up, I am going to just keep on keeping on.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-16T01:54:00.001-05:00

Anybody who knows me knows that I can be bossy, controlling and, at times, an over-achiever. Adoption doesn't care that I am any of those things. We are coming up on our one year anniversary marking the beginning of our whole adoption process. I have 4 children and I didn't have to wait or want any of them for one full year before they arrived - until now. The crazy thing is, I have read all of the statistics that say there are 147 million orphans in the world. I would really like to make it 147 million minus one! I am to the point to where I physically ache for him/her. They haunt my dreams and occupy many of my thoughts and prayers. We have all our stockings "hung with care" - all 7 of them.

I heard this song earlier this evening and thought it beautifully written. You can tell by the lyrics that it was written from a personal point of view. Enjoy.

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

Big Hearts

2010-11-29T22:29:00.007-05:00

I am going to take a minute and brag on my children. It constantly amazes me at how great they are. Now, let's face facts, they are sinful children raised by sinful parents, I get that. However, I love that they love to give. Once they invest in a person, they are loyal, they are caring, they are giving, they are prayerful. I have seen it time and time again. Way back before Alexa was born, we had a baby come and stay a long weekend with us. Owen prayed for that baby for years! My sister came to live with us a while, the kids loved having her here - even if it was due to tough circumstances. Henry came to live with us, even though it was very, very hard, my kids love him. I knew this but didn't really realize how much until we got to talk to him. He called on Thanksgiving and each child got to talk to him. All of them were excited and loved catching up with him. I watched my kids take in a boy for the weekend and again, he has been in every prayer we've prayed. Several times one of the kids have said they missed him. One tonight questioned if I thought he would really call us if he needed us. I am amazed at how willing they are to love and to help and to care. Genuinely. I love that they spend as much time looking through and circling items in the World Vision catalog just as much as they do the Target wish book. I love that they would love to each have a child to sponsor. I love that they care for others. I love that they pray for our baby and wish that tomorrow we could go get him/her and bring them here. I was telling all of this to a friend over the weekend and she gave me this crazy look and said "I don't really see why you should be all that suprised. I would be surprised if they acted any differently." Yet, I am still surprised and grateful. I am grateful for their hearts. I am grateful to be their mother. I am grateful for God's provision and protection. It is a character trait that I pray each of them keep as they continue to grow into adulthood and beyond.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T07:17:00.002-05:00

So, I have arrived. This is my first Thanksgiving,ever, to have to get up at the crack of dawn to put a turkey in the oven. I would like to say it was a beautiful experience, one that I will fight for in years to come. However, that was not exactly the case. Raw meat is not something my eyes, nose and hands can handle very well. I can definitely see why handling it makes some turn to a vegetarian life style. Anyway, my dear knight (who was already up in order to go in search of my After-Thanksgiving sales ads) so lovingly helped me stuff it into the bag and into the oven. With that chore accomplished, I was able to just sit in the quiet and observe the morning. I can see why some are such advocates of the early morning stillness. It was beautifully breath-taking as the sun was just peeking above the trees. I was reminded of an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. Thankful that I have parents who have always loved and supported me, thankful that I have never experienced true hunger, thankful that I have a Savior that loves me despite my many flaws and failures, thankful that I have a wonderful husband, thankful that I have beautiful, healthy, intelligent children who are growing in the Lord, thankful that I have the privilege to homeschool those children, thankful for the opportunities we have in America, thankful for my beautiful home and the comfort and safety it provides. Just so thankful that if feels as though my heart could burst. Yet, at the same time there is such a longing and burden. A longing for the sweet, young man that sat at my dinner table last night and got choked up that it was his first family meal in 4 months, a longing at the realization that if he were to die tonight - he would be forever separated from Christ, a longing for my baby on another continent - what are he/she doing today; are they born, is there anyone there hugging and kissing them and singing quiet lullabies, feeding them, loving them. A longing for all the other children that may never know what it like to have that forever family. It is crazy how in one moment there can be such a rush of thankfulness and fullness and then such a strong current of burdens and sadness. At the same time as having these whirlwind of thoughts, my quiet morning was interrupted by my knight screaming at the dog for pooping on the floor. I am silently screaming and waving my arms begging him to not wake the kids. Then, I realize it is because we live in a fallen world that we have such a span of emotions. We are blessed and comfortable but we are called to be burdened, the things we are burdened over are the things we are called to strive to change. We are called to be set apart. Sometimes, that being set apart, sets us up for ridicule and isolation, sometimes it makes people think we are crazy, and sometimes that being set apart gives us that quiet, gentle prodding of a whisper of the 'well done' I so long to hear. Happy Thanksgiving!

What were they thinking?

2010-11-01T12:59:00.003-04:00

Last Friday night everybody had a crazy schedule. Emily was at AnchorSoul, Alexa had a sleepover birthday party, Owen had a Halloween party at the gym. It was just Ryan, Ian and myself. Sort of at the last minute we decided to let Ian invite a friend and we would go out in Raleigh while we waited for Owen. Owen needed to be picked up at 10:00. We decided we would like to go bowling. Bowling is an activity we love to do together as a family but due to budget constraints and the rise of bowling costs, we haven't gone as much in the past couple of years. Anyway, we go to the bowling alley and we all play the first game. The second game I decided to sit out in case we didn't get done in time so that I could go pick up Owen. As I was sitting there, I noticed the family in the lanes beside us. You could tell they were "official" bowlers. There was a mom on one lane, then a dad (in his airbrushed 'I love bowling' t-shirt on one lane and then, what I assume to be their teen aged son in the next lane. The thing I noticed right off was that both the dad and son had their ipod earbuds in. I thought that seemed sort of odd that you would go bowling as a family with earphones. Then, I noticed the shrill, high-pitch nastiness coming out of the mother's mouth. She was screaming at them (the son in particular) over how they were doing things. I looked up at the score board expecting to see her score WAY above the others. However, that was not the case. I thought, that woman is missing the point. She is missing that young man's heart. I am not sure if I felt worse for the young man or the mother. It did cause me to stop and wonder about how many times my kids wished they could just put on their earphones and tune me out. Now, I don't scream obscenities at them - ever. But how often I am just barking words at them rather than tending to and reaching their hearts. We all want the best for our kids and want them to be/do their best. However, as my kids get older and older, I would pick being the best in character, integrity and honesty EVERY time over anything else.

"She Ain't Right"

2010-10-13T13:41:00.001-04:00

I know it has been a while. I have been in a terrible funk. It seems as though so many things are changing in my world, yet so much is still the same. I had sort of giving up on blogging because I had decided that "if I couldn't do it right I just wasn't going to do it." That has sort of become my mantra over the past couple of weeks. At the same time of being so frustrated with myself - I am overwhelmed with the blessings I have been given. In all of those blessings, Ryan is one of my greatest. He is forgetful, he procrastinates, he loves football (a little too much) but hands-down he is the best, most hard-working, caring, husband and father. I couldn't have asked for a better role model for my kids.

A few weeks ago, I heard a song by the same person in the Dollar General. I asked the cashier (who was singing along at the top of her lungs) the name of the artist. We discovered this song - it has become Ryan's mantra to me. I think maybe I should be insulted, but I am not, It fits. And as I am often heard saying: "well if the shoe fits"

I am not always glad to be "not right" but I am eternally grateful for being "just right for him".

Lyrics:
She got her daddy's tongue and temper (not really - its my mothers)
Sometimes her mouth could use a filter (not for dirty words - just sometimes unkind words)
God shook his head the day he built her
Oh, but I bet he smiled.
She loves and lives her life unruly
Tears up that dirt road up in a dualy
Dangerous, absolutely. (Not really dangerous - just always have a plan)
And in a little while...
She'll be roundin' that corner on three wheels (not really - they just say I drive everything like a go-cart)Ain't slowin down, yellin "Come on, jump in"
Always up to somethin, crazy got nothin' on her

Chorus:
She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me

She says she wants to meet my momma
I said, I don't think you oughta
Be like mixin' oil and water
But by midnight she had
momma on the coffee table dancin'
Comin' unwound
Good God I swear, can't take her anywhere
What's the girl gonna do next

Chorus:
She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me

Every once in a while she'll give me that smile and say,
I just don't see somebody like you lovin' somebody like me
She ain't right, naw she ain't right
She ain't right

She ain't right, she ain't right
She's just right, she's just right,
She's just right for me
Mhhmmm she's just right, she's just right.
She ain't right, she's just right for me.

Once is all it takes

2010-09-06T10:47:00.002-04:00

I have lived in my house for four years. I have used my garage door nearly everyday for each of those four years - until recently. Back in the spring, we were headed out and a black snake was coming through the crack in the door. A few weeks after that, a mouse ran behind some tables when I opened the door. Then, we had a lizard that came to live in the same spot and would dash away when the door was opened. I told Ryan that I had had it and I was never using that door again. He dutififully put steel wool in the crack and all was well. However, this past week, the steel wool fell out. I have found myself fearful of the door again. A couple of nights ago, we came in and the light was off (it normally cuts on when you come in) and I wouldn't reach my hand to the switch because I was afraid of some varmin that would be there waiting to bite me. Here is the point of this story - it bothers me that out of the approxiamate 1,460 days I have lived in this house - because of 4 "mishaps" I don't want to use the door. What about the 1,456 days when NOTHING happened? Why is it true in our lives that the bad WAY outweighs the good? I took it for granted that I could walk out the door free of anything "getting" me until the day that reality caused me to doubt. It made me start to think of my children and the people around me - how we could say 1,456 nice things and 4 negative but the negative would be what we would always remember. I want to be an encourager, I want people around me to know that it is my intention to build up - not tear down. I don't want people stepping around me in fear like I now have to do in my garage. I'm working on it, I'm working on it! :)

Nothing to Fear but Fear itself

2010-08-12T13:09:00.008-04:00

I am sorry to say but I freak out nearly every year this time of year. I am the worst type of homeschooling mother - a homeschooling mother with a public school mentality. I have tried very hard to overcome it - some years I do okay others I fail miserably. I have spent this week working on Emily's high school transcript. I have long confessed to being a perfectionist overachiever. I have NEVER hit a brick wall quite like this transcript thing. I called a dear friend, begging for help. This friend has three grown, collegially successful children. You see, when she was where I am, I had a 5/6th grader. Transcripts were NO WHERE on my radar. In fact, until Emily reached the 8th grade - my "high school plan" had consisted of praying for the rapture. My friend so sweetly kept reassuring me that I could do this. I have a list of all the courses she has taken, the grade she was given, we have a school name, we have done everything we needed to do, why was this so difficult? It all boils down to this : FEAR. I am afraid. I am afraid that I would have done something (or not done something) that would keep her from x,y,z (we aren't even really sure what that is). I have been rereading Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It is my fallback study before school starting during my struggle years. (I have read it 3-4 times). I always learn something different - because my situation and my struggles are different. Yesterday, I was on the chapter about guilt (fitting, huh?) This is what she said "If homeschooling is indeed God's will for our lives (Ryan and I firmly believe that for us - it is), then it is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2) Homeschooling should be a blessing to us, not an unbearable burden(or the cause of severe, middle of the night anxiety attacks). If it is such a burden, then perhaps we have required things of ourselves that the Lord never asked us to do. Perhaps the standards we are trying to follow are not God's standards, but man's. Perhaps we are living by formula than by faith." Here is what I know: 1) Our homeschooling was not a mistake - although, I don't feel it is the right choice for everyone - it is the right choice for us - good, bad, and/or ugly 2) Nothing I could do (or not do) could stop the plan GOD has for Emily's life. - I am just not that important. 3) "Success" (and I am VERY guilty of this) is often measured in very worldly terms - especially during the high school years. I would like to say that tonight I will not go to bed with a rice sock over my shoulders and a pounding over my right eye, but that would most likely be a lie. All I know is I can keep reminding myself that God did not create me to be in bondage to fear. We have raised Emily to be an intelligent, God-fearing, light-shining disciple of Christ - no matter where or how she decides to shine it, "we" will be a success.

One more thing

2010-07-19T19:31:00.003-04:00

Several, several years ago Ryan and I went to a "parenting teens" conference. I think Emily was about 11. (Always trying to be one step ahead.) Anyway, at that conference - it was one of the Tripp brothers - I always get them confused. He said something that has stuck with me all of this time that I THOUGHT would be easy to do. He said "start laying the groundwork for adulthood/independent living WAY before they needed it. You want to be able to see them happily out the door feeling confident and sure of themselves (as well as you yourself as a parent). You do not want to be chasing them as they walk out the door screaming 'one more thing..'" At the time I made a mental note, I agreed with his philosophy and have tried very hard to keep it in mind as we have grown into the teenage years. However, I have decided I have done a very poor job of it and have come the the conclusion that it is my personality. We had a test run this summer in that Emily was in and out for most of the summer but then was leaving mid July and going to be gone until the first week of August - three weeks. She was going to World View Academy in Lynchburg, VA from Sunday - Friday and then on a missions trip to Del Rio, Texas from Friday - Saturday and then the beach from Sunday to Sunday. Truthfully, I have been a little "self" absorbed lately in home projects. I did a major redo in the boys room. That left her to pretty much get herself ready. She made her list(s) of what she needed where and when and for what. I took her shopping on Friday to get all of her "stuff". She has gone to Del Rio for several summers now. Every year, I have gotten their "school" pictures done (for the year they just finished - not the one coming) before she goes. You see, I have these awesome "grade" picture frames for each one of them and I prefer a polished picture rather than a snapshot. Anyway, Friday night, I send myself into pure panic mode that I have not done this yet. I almost (for a fraction of a second) thought about trying to fit it in for Saturday. I know I can do it when she gets back but I will already be knee deep in preparing for this school year. Last year will have been finished, packed up, recorded for historical purposes only. AND she will be having senior portraits made soon which will be in the fall - only a few weeks different from her 11th grade picture. As I was having my "internal hissy fit" the words of the Tripp brother came back to me. I would rather her leave knowing I was content to let her go, knowing we were proud of her and the choices she has/will make for her life, knowing that we would be here waiting for her when she got back. Not having her think of me worried about my "unfinished" schedule, not having me shout after her with "one more thing". I have decided that should any of my children grow up to homeschool, I am going to make it my "grandmotherly" duty to take them to have their school pictures made during the fall of the school year they currently in. Then, I will have lovely pictures to go in my awesome "grade" picture frames!

Vacation Lodge

2010-07-09T10:44:00.003-04:00

I'll be honest - I am not a nature girl. I don't like bugs, spiders, snakes or extreme heat. Ryan and I camped a bit in our younger days (much younger - like with no kids). So, as we have gotten older, looking back at those camping trips are remembered as good times and full of nostalgia. We (just he and I) took a mini-camping trip last May and it was lovely. However, the tent we had was small - there was no way all 6 of us could really camp in that tent. We have several sets of friends that tent camp often and had invited us to go. It is relatively cheap for a family our size and it is good family fun. I am always looking for ways to "unplug" my boys from their beloved electronics. So, we bought Ryan the "Vacation Lodge" for Father's Day and gave him a camping trip over the Fourth of July holiday as his birthday present. He was surprised but glad to go. For extra fun, we invited some friends to come along. Looking back, the trip would not had been nearly as pleasant had they not been able to make it - we (I) had no idea what I was doing! We may have starved. Ryan, of course, was a champion at setting up the tent, cooking over an open fire, being immune to the heat and bugs. I have been trying to reflect on the differences between camping in the early 90's vs. now. I have come up with a few differences: 1) We lived in Boone. Rarely is it 102 in Boone. 2) We didn't really go to campsites - we just picked spots along the Blue Ridge Parkway. There were no other people there (other than the people we invited).3) We didn't really "cook" - we stopped by and brought fast food there or just snacked. 4) We traveled light - there wasn't a lot to pack, unpack, store, etc. Having made this list made me feel much better. I am not wimpy - just seasoned! Overall, we still had a great time and we are definitely going to try it again - maybe a little longer this time and in cooler weather! Besides, we have to camp again - I left my wedding ring in one of the pockets that got folded up inside the tent - only me....

Letting Go

2010-07-08T17:33:00.004-04:00

Generally speaking, Letting go is hard. We decided it was time to redo the boys' room - seeing that we have NEVER bought either boy a single piece of furniture - it was time. We redid the girls' room about two years ago - new furniture, new bedding, fresh paint, etc. Well, with the redoing and such there is also some reorganization called for. For anyone that knows my boys, they are as different as night and day. Owen loved trains, action figures, stuffed animals and "gadgets" - stuff mainly out of happy meals. Give the boy a piece of string a couple of items mentioned above and you wouldn't see him for hours. Ian, on the other hand, loves to build, to create things from nothing and play whatever Alexa wants to play. So, cleaning out the closest was HARD! There were many things that I know Owen could care less about playing with and Ian is not interested in, but I just couldn't let them go. I can still see Owen playing and playing with these beloved items. He had this gun - "Old Betsy" that he LOVED. You can tell it was loved - there is very little paint left on it and has a slight crack around the middle. It is one of those old wooden Daniel Boone type guns. I kept moving it around and around the room. I just couldn't part with it! (You notice the "I" part there.) The rest of my family thinks I am crazy. They just shake their heads and give me a little sympathetic smile. I really do want my children to grow up and lead productive, Christ-honoring adult lives away from home. And when they do, so what if I still have "Old Betsy" stored away in my mind, in my heart, AND in my attic? Did I mention that I have a very LARGE attic?

Blogging

2010-06-29T14:39:00.002-04:00

I had been doing a fairly decent job of making posts and then - wham! summer hit. We have not had a summer this crazy in a LONG time - maybe never. There have been / will be only a few weeks that we are all under the same roof. I took a "Creating a classroom Blog" class as one of my continuing education classes a couple of months ago with the intent of "spicing" up my blog. I guess I just learned for the test because I can't remember any of the changes I was going to make or how! I was also procrastinating because I just didn't really feel like I had anything to say. I had been reading blogs that were purposeful, newsworthy, making a difference and it made my words seem insignificant. Then I did realize that I did have some things I wanted to say - I just needed to process them first. So, I will begin this first post back with just our general goings on.
Ryan and Owen went two weeks ago to Big Creek - a missions trip to KY with our middle school group. They both worked construction. Owen came back with the decision to be nicer to Ian. Ryan came back with the decision to watch less TV. They had a great time and it was a very good bonding experience for them. That same week was Sports Camp at TKD. Emily taught and Alexa went to the evening camp and Ian went to the morning camp. By the end of the week, they had had a great time but were very tired.
Last week we had VBS at our church. I taught 5 year olds, Owen was my youth helper, Emily was a youth helper for the 4 year olds, Ryan taught the 5th graders, Alexa and Ian were helpers. It was the first time in about 5-6 years that we were all involved. It was a great week.
Thursday is our first annual "down and dirty" co-op meeting. I am looking forward to seeing all of the ladies again and making some decisions for this school year. Co-op has been a tremendous blessing to my children and their education. It is definitely worth the effort.
Emily is going to Worldview Academy in VA for a week in July. She is leaving there (we have to pick her up a day early) and is going straight to Del Rio for a TKD mission's trip. She has gone with Ryan to TX for the past two years, this will be the first time for her to go alone.
We pick her up from the airport at 11:00pm on Sat. and Sunday begins our family vacation. Two weeks later - we are back to school! I sure hope to work some planning time in there somewhere and maybe a little blogging...

Road rage

2010-04-12T10:59:00.002-04:00

In the past four days, I have traveled 1,314.7 miles. Okay, not really traveled, DRIVEN! On my 10 hours there and my 8 1/2 hours back, I was thinking of this post. Owen is not the best conversationalist, so he was content to play his DS, watch movies, text his friends.
Here are some things I learned (not in any particular order - just the chaotic randomness of my brain):
* I am a Garmin girl, not a TomTom.
* It drives me crazy when people slam on brakes when they see a policeman and refuse pass him - even if he is going 25 miles an hour in a 65 zone!
* I have always wondered how long it would take to listen through all of the songs on my ipod. It takes 10 hours to get to the "H" songs.
* I also learned that the above mentioned ipod will not make the 10 hour to and the 9 hour home with out charging the battery.
* Two Dr. Peppers and a McDonald's tea will keep you awake while you drive there but it will also keep up all night once you get there.
* Because I am such an intelligent person, if that is what happens on the way there, that is what is going to happen on the way back. Owen says to me "you have a tough time learning lessons, don't you." Well, that is a post for another time.
* The button you push to resume the cruise control in my old van is how you turn the cruise control off in my "new" van (I've owned it 2 years). If I turned it off once, I turned it off 50 times!
* If I was successful enough to not turn it off, more often than not, I turned on the windshield wiper.
* Even though I was using the cruise control, I kept getting a cramp in my right knee. I guess I need to add that to my workout regimen.
* Big trucks and torrential rain make it very difficult to read the detour signs. Hence the 10 hours.
* I blame these troubles on three people: my parents because they used to drive me around in the car during my colic fits (therefore, in my opinion, causing me to be able to easily get "in the zone") and my husband for being such an excellent driver and driving most of wherever we go. I am all about taking my turn, and I normally do, but the whole way, that's just mean.
However, all in all, I have to say we had a wonderful time. One day soon, I am going to take the time to brag on the wonderful, talented, caring, sensitive young man I am having the privilege of raising. I love getting the opportunity to see the pearl he is forming. I just wanted the opportunity to complain first!

Getting the job done

2010-03-29T13:44:00.007-04:00

Let me be the first to say "June Cleaver I am not." Although, truth be told, I would love to be. I could see the shock on Ryan's face now as he comes through the door promptly at 5:30 pm to me with my pearls, my Christian Louboutin heels, apron and full course meal set and hot on the table. About the only true part of that entire scenario is that I own pearls. In the event that Ryan were actually home by 5:30, ever, and giving the fact that most nights I am not even home when he arrives, hence prohibiting me from having dinner on the table.

Anyway, I am not a very good servant. I detest meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. Overall, I am not a very good housekeeper and forget about me taking care of the yard. While I don't mind doing any of these singularly, doing them all is a bit overwhelming. I have decided that it is time to do something about it. I have not always struggled with this problem. It has only been in the past year or two.

As I was reflecting back on "yesteryear" and trying to determine what went wrong, I was remembering my very first women's Bible Study. It was the fall of 1997 and I had two kids at the time. Emily was going to a local preschool that was the envy of the town and I kept a little girl in our home to pay for the preschool. So every Tuesday I would load Emily, Savannah, and Owen into our 2 door car, drop Emily off at Preschool and go to Bible study. As I said, this was my first real case of "hanging with the girls". To be honest, I was not sure how I felt about it. I knew that staying home with Owen was the right thing to do (daycare didn't agree with his temperament)for Owen. However, I was not totally convinced it was the right thing for ME! The leader of the Bible study was an older woman (our senior pastor's mother). It was a study where anyone could join at anytime. There was no real stopping and starting point. On your very first day, you went into a separate room to make an apron. These were the Wal-mart type canvas/jean apron and there were all kinds of things to decorate them. After decorating our apron we were invited to lunch after the Bible study with the leader. She explained to us that as the nurture/care taker of our homes, she wanted us to remember that we were servants. However, she felt that young women often fell into the trap of forgetting whom we served. She felt that in the thankless job of taking care of our husbands and children that we would lose sight of it was really Christ that we serve. We strive to serve Him by serving other, especially those in our care. She encouraged us to "put on our apron" just as we "put on the full armor of God". To allow that apron to be part of our armor. I can't tell you what a difference that made to me. It was nothing like having a terrible day and you asking yourself "why am I doing this again?" but to then go and physically put that apron on and "transforming your mind". When Emily and Owen were little, they were used to seeing me in that apron. However, as time passed, I didn't put on the apron as much. In fact, I cannot even find it. So, this weekend, I went to get me a new apron. I couldn't find one I liked (who knew aprons were very hard to find) so I got one from Joanne's that you piece and sew together. I have cut out the pieces but have not sewn it all together. I am excited about my quest to be a better "homemaker". Watch out, June Cleaver, there is a new girl in town!

PS - I tried to post a picture of what my new, cute apron will look like but my picture thing is not cooperating. :(

The Beauty of Sharing

2010-03-02T14:23:00.003-05:00

Most of my life growing up, I had my own room. I had my own "stuff". My sibling closest to me was five years younger and male. I have a younger sister but she is 10 years younger so she never threatened my "stuff" either. Needless to say that going off to college was an adjustment. Luckily, my roomate shared similar philosophies about sharing. We co-existed and because it was what we both wanted, it worked very well for us. However, even though Ryan had always had his own room as well - (a boy sandwiched in between two sisters)he had no problem "sharing". What was mine was his (and vice versa) only I still prefered my "stuff" to be left alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind someone using my stuff but I want it returned to the same place you took it from and in the exact same condition. Ryan has the uncanny ability to make himself at home anywhere, a trait that at times I am jealous of. Anyway, when we were buying houses years ago, I "needed" a three bedroom house. I had two kids - a girl and a boy - I needed three rooms. We got the three rooms. I rememember someone asking if we were going to have more kids - I replied, "No - I would have to get a bigger house." Honestly, it never really occured to me to put more than one kid in a room - especially because they were boy / girl. The lady looked at me and said "that is the most selfish thing I have ever heard." Really? I was dumbfounded. Needless to say, we did decide to have more kids. When Alexa was born we put her in Owen's room. It was a small starter home and the bedrooms were small. Emily had a full bed in her room. Owen took it upon himself to move in with Emily. We didn't really plan on him moving in there but Alexa would make noises and he would wake up scared and go to Emily's bed. So, for a while, Owen didn't have a bed at all. Then a friend of ours was getting rid of their bunk beds and asked did we want them. Sure, everyone at least "needs" their own bed. So we got the bunk beds and Emily and Owen were both distraught. Emily because her bed was in the attic and Owen because he couldn't reach Emily. The first night, Owen came out in hysterics that we were the meanest parents alive. I calmly told him that in some families do kids not only sleep in their own beds but also their own rooms - in the dark - alone. He said "that is the meanest thing I have ever heard." When we went to check on them later that evening, Emily had her arm stuck down the side of the bed and they were sound asleep holding hands.
When we began to design/build this house those old fears came creeping up. How many bedrooms should there be? The kids actually decided that for now, they would like to stay together in pairs with the option of being alone when they got older. So far, "older" hasn't happened. I most likely live in the largest three bedroom home there ever has been. I love (most of the time) hearing my kids talking and singing, teaching each other Bible verses, making up stories with each other, just talking about life. I don't know how effective this method will be in then not wanting people to touch their "stuff" but I know the bond the four of them share is unbreakable. All of them know the sacrifice of sharing space; of give and take, something I am still trying to learn!

Valentine's Day

2010-02-20T09:27:00.002-05:00

Let me start by saying, I am not a huge "Valentine's Day" fan. I mean really, if you have to work to show me "love" on that ONE day, I don't want it. However, the older I get any excuse to go on a date works for me! Typically Valentine's Day comes and goes at our house (because in case you didn't know - it falls during Tax Season). Last month, Ryan and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary (which, yes falls during tax season as well - I married him BEFORE our life revolved around tax season). We had the usual "dinner and a movie". Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind dinner and a movie as a general rule. But on special occasions, I like a little more forethought; I little unpredictableness; I little more pizazz.
On said above anniversary, as Ryan's gift, I gave him a book of all the cards, letters, and poems he had written me over the years (all 19 of them). When we first met, Ryan was quite the poet. I have all sorts of poems; love poems, sad poems, mad poems, forever poems. So, for Valentine's Day he wrote me a poem. All of the kids, (except Alexa, of course) were disgusted by its "mushiness". Here it is, his first "published" work:

"An Ode to Love"
When I think back through the years,
I have to hold back my tears,
As I remember the joy that I felt,
At the first time I saw you, you made my heart melt,
You didn't know it at the time,
That you would very soon be mine,
Even though you didn't know my name,
You let me in just the same,
Now it is many years down the road,
We are together in our humble abode,
I am thankful that we were brought together,
To be in love forever and ever,
Even though the years have past,
Our love I know will surely last,
We have many more years to look forward to,
I am glad I will be spending them with you,
I want to shower you with my love,
As it given to me from God above,
I hope you know how much you mean to me,
You fill my life with so much glee,
Thank you for choosing me to spend the rest of your life,
I love You very much, thanks for being my wife.

Isn't forethought such a wonderful thing?

The trauma of Haircuts

2010-02-15T13:25:00.002-05:00

Last week, on very short notice, we needed to go to my brother's church for Teagan's baby dedication. I decided Ian's hair was a bit unruly and I wanted just a trim. His hair has been an item of dissension in our house in that I say (within reason) he should have a say and Ryan says it should be short. From my perspective, Ian has some very big shoes to fill. He has Owen's old toys, some of Owen's old clothes, we affectionately call him OJ (Owen junior). However, he does not share Owen's distaste of grooming. Owen likes his hair in a crew cut year round because of its low maintenance factor. So, based on a few agreements (can't be in his eyes, not below his collar) we have decided to let Ian be the hair guide. So, like I said, we were going to this church where there would be lots of people I hadn't seen in years, and few of them had seen all my children, I wanted his hair to at least looked groomed. I had been keeping his bangs trimmed but the back was getting a little unruly. Ryan decided he needed a haircut as well so the three of us set off. (I didn't trust Ryan to take him alone!) We went to the local "beside the grocery store" type hair place. It was sort of crowded but we put our name on the list and waited. They called Ian first. I was already deciding I was a little unsure about this lady. First of all, she looked at Ian like he had the plague, she looked like her face would crack if she tried to smile and she looked at me like I was speaking another language when I was telling her what we wanted. I wanted to take him out of the chair and run. He was looking at me with "don't you dare leave me eyes." So she starts to cut and cut and cut. She gets finished, Ian literally jumps out of the chair. We are standing over waiting for Ryan to get done and I am examining his hair thinking, "I cannot believe we have to pay for this and I wonder if I am going to be able to fix it or am I going to have to take him someplace else, is he going to have to end up with a short do anyway." The lady can tell I am not pleased. She comes over and messes with his hair again commenting on his "natural curl" making it harder to style. It wasn't harder to style until she cut it CROOKED! This girl (about 19) got in the chair after Ian. She had been waiting in the lobby about 25-30 minutes. She was trying to explain to the lady what she wanted when the lady louder than necessary says "I hear what you are saying but it is not clear what you want me to do." I was undecided as to whether I wanted to tell the girl to run or tell the lady she needed to take a break. Ryan was giving me his "stay out of it, be nice, hurry let's go" look. So, we paid and left. Then I had to come home and do what I could to fix it. I still don't like it nearly a week later. We have finally gotten most of it even but if I had wanted to chop on it myself, I could have saved the $11. Ryan has decided Ian can no longer go to the corner shop, he needs a "stylist". I thought that is what they all claim to be. I have decided that getting your haircut is like playing the lottery. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, big time!

I knew it was coming

2010-02-02T23:38:00.002-05:00

Something big happened at our house tonight. Actually, it started last night (after torturing my children the past 3 days watching North and South), we told them that tonight after dinner we would all play a board game. It is very rare that we are all home on a Tuesday night so I promised if they would suffer through the last in a four part series, we would play a game tonight. We all knew the game would be Quelf. This rediculous game that all the kids love. Anyway, we were dividing the teams and Ian decided he didn't want to be anyone's partner but wanted to play alone. We were a little skeptical but decided to go ahead. You see, up until tonight, he had still decided he couldn't read. We have been listening to him read books for several months but if you were to ask him if he could "read" his answer would be "no". Well, tonight that all changed. With a few exceptions, and a few made up words, he faithfully read and acted out his cards. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wanted to laugh because I have had to fight with him almost daily to have a "reading" lesson all this year. At this point, he just doesn't see the "need". I wanted to cry because that is my baby and babies don't read! Yet, I look at him and I see him growing before my very eyes. Owen was born a boy - all boy - rough, loud, oblivious to the world around him. Ian was born a boy as well, just a more sensitive, soft-spoken, observant boy. Tonight, when he was going to bed I asked him if he would always be my baby even now that he could "read". He gave me this crazy look and said "of course I will but NOW will you believe me that I don't need anymore READING lessons?" He laughed....tonight - However; tomorrow may be a different story!

To Save a Life

2010-01-27T10:22:00.003-05:00

Last night I went to see the Movie "To Save a Life". Basically, it was the tell-tale story of a popular boy and an unpopular boy who were friends "once upon a time." When disaster strikes, the popular boy is left with a lot of questions of how he could have lived his life differently and begins to make strives to make a difference in the lives of others. All this week, I have been studying the parable of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). I have spent each day reading the passage and then picking a person to reflect upon. My first day was on the robbers, second on the priest, third on the Levite then today, I thought I would focus on the Samaritan but something stopped me. After seeing the movie last night, it struck me this morning to question myself to see why I hadn't started with the guy that was robbed and left for dead. I don't know why I didn't, but it bothered me. I went to pull out our commentary to see what ol' Vernon McGee had to say about the traveler. He said that the traveler represented humanity. Humanity that found itself helpless, hopeless, and unable to save itself. Ultimately, the world today is like the man that fell among thieves and needs our help. The world needs Christ. A real, genuine Christ not a lofty, judgemental, harsh religion. If you look further, you see what the Samaritan did, he cleaned his wounds, he carried him on his donkey to the nearest town, paid for his room, found someone to care for him until his return. I am sorry, but that was way more than handing someone a track, telling a person down on their luck they need "Jesus", or inviting someone to church. It was involved, it was time-consuming, it was costly. Our Sunday School lessons for the past 6 weeks has been focusing on the greatest commandment "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind AND, Love your neighbor as yourself." I think we have to stop and ask ourselves a few questions:
1) Who are our "neighbors"?
2) Who am I best represented by in this parable: the traveler,
the robbers, the priest, the Levite or the Samaritian?
3) What/if anything, am I going to do about it?

A New Year

2010-01-20T18:02:00.004-05:00

Well, this crazy blog has made my break one of the few resolutions I made this year. I said I wouldn't go longer than a couple of days before posting and here it has been days and days. Sorry. However, I guess if this is the worst thing I do all year, I will be doing okay. Anyway, I am sitting in the parking lot at Owen's gymnastics place on my laptop in the car. If I can park close enough, I don't have to actually go in. Normally, I leave and run errands but his gym has called the dreaded "parent's meeting" to discuss how the meet season is going and the plans for the rest of the year.
January has been very busy so far. Ryan has gone back to tax season, Upward's has begun, meets are in full swing, Alexa's birthday, our anniversary, are just a few things we have been up to. Alexa's birthday was a great success "the best she has had in years" according to her. We let her have 3 other friends over for the night. We had a great time; we went to the movies, made pizza, made bracelets, had cake, opened presents. We gave her a guitar along with guitar lessons. She has had two lessons so far and has loved every minute of it. Her guitar teacher asked who she wanted to play like and of course, she responded "Elvis Presley" she said he sort of looked at her funny so she said "Taylor Swift". She left a little concerned that her guitar teacher may not know who Elvis Presley was. I have assured her that he did - he just wasn't expecting her to say that. In the meantime, she has been working on her lip curl! :)

Back to School

2010-01-04T00:09:00.002-05:00

I had said awhile back that I was not going to use this blog as a whining forum. However, I have decided to make today an exception. First of all let me say, I love my life. I love my kids. I would not trade our experience for anyone else's and (most of the time) I love homeschooling. We actually took a break over Christmas. I mean a true, the school room could be full of spiders, break. It was just time. We break over summer but usually still have several projects and math looming over us. We do "mini-projects" or finish books that we had started during the school year. My kids have done "summer school" for most of their lives. This year (2009) has been draining. I cannot exactly put my finger on why - it could be the pressure of homeschooling a junior, it could be the pressure of the outside activities, it could be the pressure of finishing up getting that last one to read well, maybe I have just grown weary or lazy. Anyway, I decided to break over Christmas. I told the kids this and they gave me a "yeah right" look and waited for the famous "well, we are going to break everything but ...". It has been three glorious weeks. We played games, we ate dinner together, we watched movies, I read pleasure books, we got together with family and friends. It was a lovely time. I guess it was too lovely because now I REALLY don't want to start school tomorrow. In all of that fun, I really did nothing - no planning, no plotting, my calendar even still says December and I don't care! I should be in there moving it around, filling out their charts but instead I am blogging my whine. I knew that tomorrow would come and like I told my kids before bed "We just have to put on our big kid panties and deal with it!" And I will - tomorrow morning! I am going to go to bed praying for a better attitude. It will be great once we get going... but I can tell, it is going to be a painful start!

A New Year

2010-01-01T11:29:00.002-05:00

I decided for a new year, I wanted a new look for my blog. Last night (or rather this morning) we were thinking back to our favorite things from 2009. I decided I would share some of them.

January - Alexa turned 8 - she had a princess tea party. She was not feeling well - it was a tough day. We went skiing for the very first time with our friends the Carrows and Huffmans. It was a lot of fun - Owen nearly gave me a heart attack on the slopes.

February - Just an ordinary month - Upward was still going on and Owen had tons of gymnastic meets. We endured February.

March - Owen turned 12. He had a couple of friends over to celebrate. We were pressed to get it in around Upward, gymnastics and Ryan's work schedule.

April - Owen made it to Regionals in gymnastics. Owen and I flew to Miami for him to compete. He came in 12th overall. Driving all over Miami in a rental car was an experience I will never forget. Tax season ended. We normally go on a trip but skiing counted as our trip - we just went before tax season started rather than when it ended. We decided we liked it better at the end.

May - Emily went to her first prom. She went with a couple of girl friends and had a great time. We finished our second year of Tapestry of Grace. We went on an impromptu trip to Williamsburg with friends. It was a great time. We hadn't been there for years. We did something different for the homeschool conference this year. I went with a few girl friends and stayed one night. I came home early and Ryan and I went camping. It was a lot of fun and made us feel 20 again.

June - Alexa, Ian and myself participated in VBS while Ryan, Emily and Owen did TaeKwonDo's sports camp. I taught the 5 year olds. Alexa and Ian didn't remember ever participating in VBS. It was a lot of fun and felt good to be back.

July - Alexa went to day camp at New Life Camp for the very first time. She went with two of her good friends. They had a great time. Ian had "Camp Fun Nemitz" at our house with friends. It was a lot of fun as well. However, now he is thinking we need to do that every year instead of him going to camp! Ryan, Emily and Owen went to Texas with Taekwondo on a missions trip. This was Owen's first missions trip. He did very well.

August - We went to Topsail Island for the week. It was a great time of relaxation with family and friends. School started back and there went August.

September - Emily turned 16. We had a big bash and then Emily, Ryan and myself went to New York. It was incredible. I don't think I would want to live there permanately but I don't think I would ever tire of visiting. We went to see Wicked. It was awesome. I never got to read a book in Central Park - that is on the list for next time. Ian turned 7. He had a Scooby Doo party. I am still in shock that he is a legal homeschooler - where did the time go?

October - I became an aunt for the 3rd time. I love it - I try very hard to be a good aunt. AnchorSoul was back at our church. This is one of Emily's all time favorite activities. She and Ryan did Sr. Anchorsoul and Alexa and I did Jr Anchorsoul.

November - came and went in a flash. Owen's meets started back up and Upward practice began again.

December - Ryan and I started December off with a mini-vacation. We went to Pilot Knob and stayed at a bed and breakfast there for two nights. We got a lot of Christmas shopping done which took a lot of pressure off of me. It was wonderful and I hope will become an annual event. My dad and Emily were in charge of the kids. It was nice knowing they were home. We celebrated a wonderful Christmas season with family and friends.

Looking back over our year of highlights we can see how truly blessed we are.

A Baby Changes Everything

2009-12-24T09:59:00.003-05:00

This is one of my favorite new Christmas songs. Last Sunday our church had it Christmas musical/drama. The very last scene was Mary and Joseph in the stable cuddling and loving on Jesus. The "Mary" was a dear friend of ours, a girl that has just completed her first year of college. She was holding that baby so tender and the "Joseph" was lovingly stroking the baby and gazing into Mary's eyes. (They are very good actors.) "Mary's" older sister has recently gotten engaged and as they were singing, my mind went back to when we had all first met. Suddenly, as I was having heart-palpitations that this "Mary" really could, in fact, be a mother. My mind instantly heard the Faith Hill song "A Baby Changes Everything." Ryan and I were young (by today's standard) when Emily was born. Clueless does not even begin to say how we felt. We were far from home, didn't know anyone with kids, all our friends were as clueless as we were. I had read every volume/magazine available on child-rearing. I didn't want to get this wrong. Imagine the pressure Mary felt. She was a very young girl, had a confused husband (who wouldn't be), had to leave home, couldn't even find a place to rest yet she was called to be the mother of the babe that would change the world forever. I cannot begin to imagine the feelings of doubt and inadequacies she must have felt. How in the world could you mother a sinless baby when our own sins are so great? Luckily for us, Joseph and Mary stepped up the the plate and completed the task they were called to do. "My whole life was turned around I was lost but now I'm found A Baby changes everything." Amen, sister!

Christmas Cards

2009-12-11T14:45:00.003-05:00

I got our very first Christmas card in the mail today. I didn't have the "normal" response - I cried. Then, I felt foolish and decided to get to the bottom of the matter. I didn't cry because I didn't like the person (I do very much), I didn't cry because it wasn't a nice card, it wasn't because I stayed up too late working on co-op/teacher gifts, it wasn't because my house is a wreck, it wasn't because my bathroom is so crowded by dirty clothes that you cannot see the floor. I cried because I have been slowly coming to the realization that I am not sending Christmas cards this year. In 1999 a friend of ours (an artist friend) sent out cards drawn by her kids. I was captivated. So, from 1999 - 2008 that is what we did. All of my kids (from birth on) has some sort of representation on the card. Last year, however, the card took a different turn. You see, we are not artists. My older two did not wish to have their artwork on display for all the world to see. So, my younger two did the drawing and my older two did the pennmenship. It just wasn't the same. In fact, we were even told that their decision was selfish and vain for with holding the joy our Christmas card brought. Well, I disagree.

I have wrestled with this the past few weeks and have not gotten a solution until today. Some years, we have done the card, the letter AND the picture (I know I am an over-acheiver). My motto is if you can't do something well (or the way I want it done) don't do it at all. So, for this year, this is where our Christmas card is falling.

Last night, while working on my stuff for co-op, I had to go into the "December" folder. There in a separate file were all of our cards - 1999 - 2008. I sat and marveled at each one and thought about how that card came to be. The reason I cried, I realize, is because it is the end of an era. We had a decade long run of our beloved Christmas cards. The kids used to joke that I was going to make them come home from college in time to work on our Christmas card. Yet, in a blink, that time has come.

So, Merry Christmas from the Nemitz Family.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T10:01:00.004-05:00

Wow, it is been a while since I have posted. I almost couldn't remember my password. I have had a few posts come to me but I never got them transferred from my mind to the blog. I was lying in bed this morning considering the reasons I haven't "shared" in so long. The truth of the matter is I am not a very good "sharer." I never have been. I have noticed in the past few weeks - the more hectic my schedule become, the more out of control my life gets, the more I retreat. By nature, I am a wall builder. Luckily for me, Ryan has become an expert on noticing my building habits. It is not on purpose or intentional but I begin to hold everyone at arm's length. Everyone - especially the people I care most about. So, this is my apology and my acknowledgement that I am working on it! :) I decided in light of my discovery, I would share some of the things I am thankful for. This list is random and the order does not necessarily reflect the level of thankfulness.
I am thankful for:
* A Savior that can see all the way through me and still loves me enough to save me and have a relationship with me and always forgives me - no matter what.
* A most wonderful, handsome, hardworking husband that loves me and all my faults.
* A lovely, kind, responsible oldest daughter who shows the love of Christ through her thoughts, words, and actions.
* An incredible, handsome, athletic, strong-willed son that has a quick wit and a gentle, loving heart both for Christ and others around him.
* Another wonderful, funny, peculiar, beautiful, sensitive daughter who loves life to the fullest.
* Another quiet, handsome, sweet, gentle son with a heart full of love for those around him.
* I am also most thankful for my extended family. I still have 3 grandmothers and 1 grandfather living and very much a part of our lives. I have a father who lives next door and adores my children as much as they adore him.
* I am thankful for my parents (my mother and step-father), brother, sister, and their families. That we can rely on one another and enjoy one another company.
* I have some of the most awesome friends - ever.
* I am thankful for my house - it is truly a gift and a blessing.
I could go on and on and on. It is not hard to feel a since of awe once you start naming all the things you are thankful for. All of the "thanksgivings" are really blessings bestowed upon us. So, even though sometimes I don't acknowledge those blessings quite as I should - I am forever grateful they are there. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Against the flow

2009-09-29T09:34:00.002-04:00

I think I should have been born a salmon. Truth be told, I have never been a very good "go with the flow" kind of girl. There have been various times in my life when I have tried, tried and tried harder. However, as I have gotten older, I have discovered that questioning things is my natural bent. Last week I had to take Owen to the doctor for a check up. This is the doctor Owen has been seeing for 10 years. When we got there, the lady spoke over me and handed Owen a 5 page form to fill out and said "Only you" fill out this form. Okay, that was a little odd. Then, we get to the doctor's office waiting room and she tells me I can wait in the hall during the appointment. Uh, excuse me? "Well, (she says - placing her hand on my arm)that is how we do it when they turn 12. They may have "private" matters they would like to discuss with "their" doctor that they wouldn't feel comfortable with a parent in the room." Yeah, right. That lady didn't know who she was talking to - my fight or flight response kicked in overtime! Let's just say I am sure I have a really big, really long note in my folder. It was so bad I think we are going to have to change doctors. You know, the crazy thing is, that doctor had the gall to praise my efforts. He went on and on about how flexible, how well spoken, how polite, what healthy habits he had but in the same breath tell me that I needed to "do it like everybody else." On the way home, it hit me like a ton of bricks - you CAN'T have it both ways. As a homeschooler, I realize I am already outside of the "norm". I don't look for ways to not fit in, really I don't. However, sometimes over somethings I just don't. I thought of this verse out of Philippians "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." I (We) will never reach that goal of doing everything without complaining or arguing and I (we) will never be blameless and pure or without fault. However, it is my goal to help give my kids the tools they need to shine like stars in the universe as they hold out the word of life; whether I get nasty notes in my folder or not. I do want to be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Sweet Sixteen

2009-09-03T00:29:00.004-04:00

I wonder why it is called "sweet sixteen?" In our case, it is fitting. Our sweet is sixteen. How does it happen? Where does the time go? I remember vividly sitting at our kitchen table in Boone, NC crying my eyeballs out that my mother was going to leave us with the sweet little girl I was certain to ruin. Ryan was 21, it was 11 days before my 21st birthday. We had no clue what we were doing. We didn't even know anyone in our zip code that was married, let alone that had kids. At first, our "friends" would come over to visit. However, after a while (and the fact that I would let very few of them hold her) they quit coming. It was quiet. It was Ryan, me and Emily against the world and the ASU campus! Looking back, I would not trade that time for anything. Until I met Emily, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had no idea the blessings of motherhood. God knew what type of child we needed. I had spent the summer reading every article and book on child-rearing I could get my hands on. (I was an elementary ed major - I had access to A LOT of books!) I know this may be hard for some of you to believe, but I was an "over-the-top" textbook kind of mom. I think Emily was almost two before her schedule was broken (which did not fare well to the schedule breaker, sorry, mom). Emily spoiled us. She let us believe we were good parents. She slept through the night at 3 weeks (none of our other kids did this), she potty trained herself at 20 months, she was such a talker our sitter missed her when she was out sick "because she had no one to talk to", she taught herself to read and write at a very early age. I think it was our 4th year of homeschooling when she thanked me for "teaching her something new." The reality of it is God blessed her with such a sweet spirit, such an internal sense of right and wrong, such a sensitivity to those around her, with a heart to love others and Jesus like no one I have ever met. She would stump us (and still does on a regular basis) with some of the deepest theological questions there ever could be. I often worry that I am going to fail her somehow, she is so much better and smarter than I ever will be. However, I know that God allowing me to be her mother is one of the best gifts I could have ever received. I am in awe that He chose me. Happy Birthday, Emily!

Chores, chores and more chores

2009-08-26T01:19:00.002-04:00

Solid Rock Academy is officially back in session. We started Tapestry (our literature, geography, history) last week but started everything else on Monday. A few years ago we started having an "open house." I know that seems crazy since they know what their "school" looks like and they know who their teacher will be. Whatever - it works for us. Anyway, we usually always go out to dinner and then come home and go over the "rules" and contracts. This summer has been very different than most. I don't exactly know why but different - it felt like it never even happened. Needless to say, it feels as though I am already weeks behind and we have only been in session 2 days. So, we go out to dinner - in separate cars because I needed a few more minutes to finish up their contracts. We have a list of undesired behaviors and each child comes up with their own consequence for what their punishment will be for breaking it. It is sort of a personalized "if then" chart. Then, Ryan and I go over their suggested punishment, tweak it as we see fit and then the next morning it is waiting on their desk for them to enter into our agreement. (Every year Owen trys to refuse to sign it!) We have really cracked down on the kids over not completing their chores. Sometimes we also have difficulty in completing school work as well. With the school work, sometimes it is their fault and sometimes it is my fault - I just couldn't get to them in time. So I was explaining to them that they would not recieve the said punishment for not completing their school work if it was my fault. Well, Monday morning comes and Ian takes a look at his chore chart and then takes a look at his school assignments for the day. He says (as earnestly as possible) "Mom, what happens if it is YOUR fault we don't get our chores done." I say, "Why would I stop you from doing your chores? To my knowledge, I have never stopped you from completing your chores." He picks his school list back up and waves it at me with one eyebrow slightly raised as if to say "this is going to take me YEARS!" It didn't, he got his work completed and his chores done and still had time to play outside but I don't think I will ever forget that look he gave me like "what in the world are you trying to do to me!" Brainpower, Ian, brainpower.

PDA

2009-08-09T01:49:00.002-04:00

Tonight, on my 3rd trip to Wal-Mart (so much for having a list), I noticed this family while I was shopping. There was a mom, a dad, a little brother and a teenage girl. I noticed them because the girl was being loud and rude. Well, after about the 3rd pass, I noticed a young man had joined them. Obviously, the young man was the girl's significant other. She squealed when he approached like she had not seen him for at least 2 years. They continue to walk with the parents while holding hands. The girl got much quieter as she was wrapped up in a more private conversation. So, as I am waiting in line (you know, the 30 minutes it takes to check out at Wal-Mart) I see them in the candy aisle. Now there are no parents in sight and they are wrapped around one another in such a manner that it almost makes a person (even a happily married person) blush. I am standing there thinking "please get in line behind me." I had a few things I would have liked to have shared with them, of course they didn't. I am in the line with people's carts filled to the brim. They check out their candy in the self-checkout while continuing to make out. All of a sudden I wanted to go find that mother. I wanted to yell and scream! If they were behaving like that in a public place I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors. While I was processing all of this, they skipped merrily on their way and out to the parking lot. So, I am making a proclamation: "If I EVER see ANY teenage person I know (boy or girl) engaged in such a Public Display of Affection it will not fare well and there will be a scene caused!" And I am putting it out there in blog-land that if ANYONE were to see a child with the last name NEMITZ engaged in such behavior, you would do exactly the same! (Promptly after calling me, of course)

Camp Fun Nemitz

2009-08-02T20:50:00.014-04:00

The idea for camp fun Nemitz came last January when we signed Alexa up for her first year at New Life Camp. Emily and Owen have done overnight camp for the past several years and Alexa couldn't wait for her turn. Luckily, Alexa has two friends who also wanted to go to camp who happen to have brothers Ian's age.
The girls at camp:

On the first day we went to the Life and Science Museum in Durham. The new dinosaur trail had opened and we hadn't seen it yet. So, after dropping off Alexa, me, my dad, Ian and Isaac head to the museum. We got there at 10:00am and left at 4:00pm we really made a day of it! I couldn't post all of the pictures but it was a great time! Ian also learned he REALLY does not like grilled cheese.
Day 1

Day 2
The second day, we added another friend and decided to go bowling. Ian loves to bowl and it is something we don't do very often. The first picture is the ride into Raleigh in the car. We don't usually watch movies unless it is a long trip. This was a great treat. They were watching Droopy.

After bowling, we went to Burger King for lunch. They had a great time playing on the playground.

Day 3
We stayed at our house for day 3. We played Bingo (the old-timey one with the big ball), we made homemade pizza, and homemade playdough. They finished out the day with a swim. We named Isaac's pizza "Egg-head Fred."

Day 4
Day Four Camp fun Nemitz got moved to its satellite camp: The Campbells. They had a great time playing together and eating at "Christy's cafe."

Day 5
Our last and final day, we decided to go to the movies. We went to see Ice Age: The Dawn of the Dinosaurs. We thought it very fitting that we started our week with dinosaurs at the museum and finished our week with a dinosaur movie. It was actually better than I had expected.

Overall, it was a wonderful week. I cannot believe that my baby is going to be 7. It was the first time I have ever spent time with just him and his friends. I am sure next year he will opt for the cabin at New Life Camp but this is one camp year we will never forget!

Crazy Days

2009-07-24T23:50:00.012-04:00

We have had a crazy couple of days. I woke up this morning to an alarm buzzing and me acting like a crazy person trying to remember where I was, what day it was, and what/where I was late for. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant way to start the day. Emily, Owen and Ryan are leaving Saturday morning to go to Texas with Open Door's TaeKwonDo ministry. They will be gone until next Sunday. Alexa has her first time a day camp this week and Ian is hosting "Camp fun Nemitz" at our house. In all of this, I decided we were going to get our pictures made. I am a true school teacher and have my kids "school" picture taken every year. (One year I missed getting them made and Upward pictures had to do. I was not pleased with myself.) Since it had been a couple of years since we had a full (not just the kids) family photo, I decided we were due. Everyone whined and complained but they managed to smile pretty anyway!

A letter

2009-07-20T10:15:00.002-04:00

As I have been cleaning out, I have found where Emily has gotten her 10,000s of journals all over the place. It have been very cool and almost refreshing at going back and reading somethings I had written as I poured my heart out to My God. Some of it has been cool; however, some of it has been "man, I STILL have not learned this!" I found this letter this morning. I was doing a book study - the book is called Character Makeover. I only finished about half of the excellent book - who knows why I didn't complete it. Luckily, I went to my shelf, picked it up and remembered why I thought it such an excellent book. Maybe next year I will be blogging about the second half. :) Anyway, this is a prayer in the beginning of the book. It moved me so much that I changed some of the words and wrote the whole thing out as a letter in the beginning of my "Character makeover" journal. It is dated 2/7/2008.
The reason I am sharing it is because I went to bed with a troubled heart, burdened over many things. I fell asleep praying for the Lord to let my today finally become my tomorrow. Meaning there were many things I would like to do / to change and I have been finding myself saying "tomorrow" then days, weeks, months would pass and "tomorrow" still hadn't happened. This letter, is still my prayer, I just forgot that it was.

Dear Lord,
I am embarking upon holy work to be the best I can be for You. I have picked up this book about making over my character because at my deepest core, I want to please You. You, Lord, are the architect of my life, and You have been building something beautiful in my since before I was born. I want to join You in Your work for my life. I want you to prepare my heart, pray for a change, and practice the discipline of a woman of character.
I have a dream of doing something for You, but I am being held back by strongholds that the enemy is using to discourage and defeat me. Lord, show me who You really are and who I am through the truth of Your word and the power of Your Holy Spirit, so that I may overcome those persistent strongholds.
I pray for your protection to surround me as I start on this challenging renovation. Bring me encouragement along the way at just the moment when obstacles or self-condemnation threaten to derail my efforts. Show me which character quality You want me to start with, transform my prayer life, and help me persist to the end. I claim your blessings upon my collaboration with You to become that humble, confident, courageous, self-controlled, patient, content, generous, perservering woman You created me to be. May the time and energy I devote to developing my charactet cause You to use me all the more powerfully for Your kingdom-building purposes which will reap eternal rewards for me and those You want me to serve.
In the Mighty name of Jesus, I pray, amen.

Perfectionism VS Perseverance

2009-07-14T16:53:00.003-04:00

James 1:4 "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." This verse suggests that perseverance is the catalyst for perfection. The word for mature is also translated "perfect", but it means the completion of a task or the end of a goal rather than moral or physical perfection. It is no secret that I would like to be perfect. However, as I have gotten older, that goal of perfect has seemed more and more unobtainable. It seems the harder I struggle for control, the more complicated things have become. I have recently noticed an alarming trend in my behavior. If I do an activity or organize an event well, I do it for a few years and quit. If I do an activity or organize an event and it isn't lining up well or the outcome doesn't look favorable, I quit. I used to rise to a challenge ready to just do my best. Now, I quit. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I cannot quit being a wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend. Trust me, there have been times I have wanted to try. Yet, according to James 1:4 I can achieve perfection through perseverance. I guess it is like I tell Emily all the time about challenges she faces "If it were easy - anyone could do it!" I guess I need to start following my own advice!

What I am learning from Peter

2009-07-02T20:29:00.003-04:00

The past couple of weeks - I have been surrounded by Peter's lesson of walking on water. Matthew 14: 24-33 " But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. Now in the 4th watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid," And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, "Truly You are the Son of God." I was teaching this lesson this past week at VBS to five year olds. I had a raft for the boat, paper plates for the wind, blue streamers for waves and of course a Peter, Jesus, and disciples. After concluding the lesson, one of the boys stated "If he (Peter) was going to be scared, he shouldn't have ASKED to get out of the boat!" I have been thinking about this all week. I am constantly on Emily for letting her fears stop her from doing the things she really wants to do. I am asking her to get out of the boat, even though she is afraid. The thing about getting out of the boat is that you have to stay focused on Christ or you sink. It is a gamble, it is a risk. Yet, if I am called out of the boat - I won't fail. I learned a hard lesson several years ago that Christ equips you for the tasks He calls you to. However, sometimes we take that 'equipment' and use it other places or in other ministries than it was intended; leaving us to believe we were left stranded in the middle of the lake - sinking. Tonight, I went to a man's funeral that has attended Faith for a very long time. It was a beautiful service and people were giving testimony to how his life had impacted or affected theirs in some way. Listening and watching the service I was again reminded of Peter and the boat. People like Ty do not have that sort of testimony by staying in the boat; by not taking a risk and investing in the people around him. Not only was Peter changed, but the other disciples as well said "Truly you are the Son of God." There are so many ways/times that I have asked to walk on the water and I feel at other times I have been commanded to walk on the water. It is no secret that I fear failure. However, I am slowly trying to come to the realization that sometimes the failure I feel is nothing more than stubbornness in my refusal to get out of the boat and take a risk. The way I see it, there are two options 1 - be Peter and get out of the boat - keeping my eyes focused on Christ or
2- sit and wish I had been the one brave enough to take a chance.

Memorial Day Fun

2009-06-01T23:00:00.004-04:00

I had an awesome Memorial Day. On Thursday, I went to the NCHE Homeschool convention. I have gone every year, except one, during the past 11 years of homeschooling. Usually, Ryan and I go together. This year we decided we were not going to go at all. However, a few weeks before, I started getting cold-feet about missing the conference, especially the bookfair. And my mother got upset when she found out we weren't going - it is her grandmother tradition to keep the kids. So, we decided I would go to the bookfair on Thursday, Ryan would pick me up on Friday and we would go somewhere restful for the rest of the weekend. (The homeschool conference is NOT restful. I leave either on cloud nine that this is a wonderful life I have or looking for the nearest bridge to end my misery.) Anyway, I rode down with my friend, Kristi. We gabbered so much she missed the exit. We went to the bookfair upon arrival and I was done by nightfall. We stayed with two other friends, one friend's mother and one friend's daughter. Needless to say, we had a packed house. It was like one big sleepover. Surprisingly, it was a lot of fun. I am just not a slumber party kind of girl. I hadn't really spent much time with these friends lately and it was great spending time with them and reminising about times past. Then, on Friday, Ryan came to pick me up. Due to the awful B word (budget) we decided we really needed to just come back home. I was a little disappointed because I really wanted Ryan all to myself and I knew I would never get that at home. We wandered around, taking our time getting home. He started talking about his plans for Saturday: cut grass, clean pool, etc. I couldn't believe it - that is usually me! So, I say: "let's go camping." I wish I had a picture of Ryan's face - mouth nearly hitting the floor. Not only am I not a slumber party kind of girl, I am not a camping kind of girl either. Let me rephrase that - I am not a camping kind of mother. In our early days, we used to go camping. However, somewhere along the way (whiny kids, a tent full of dirt, bugs, etc) it sort of lost its appeal. So, we came home blew the dust off our gear and went to Falls Lake about 15 miles from home. On Saturday, we went to Beaver Dam, laid out in the sun and ignored all the whining, screams, etc and didn't look up once when we heard "mommy, daddy". Then, we went out to dinner and back to the campsite. We built a fire, played cards, and talked. It was quite blissful. We were a "normal" couple out camping. I felt like we were twenty again, well, almost. Sunday we got up, broke camp and headed down to pick up the kids. On Monday, we had a cookout with my dad's family. It was a great weekend. The grass, the pool, the television, the phone all waited until Tuesday. It was a great weekend, did I say that already? :)

Bittersweet

2009-05-15T14:17:00.007-04:00

Yesterday, I was out with my boys. It was a very hectic, busy day. I had tests to administer, the boys had a dentist appointment and Emily had a speech appointment. Just as we were about to leave, the speech therapist called to say that she was sick and was not taking any appointments. Bad for Emily, good for me. So, the girls got to stay home and I took the boys. After the dentist, Owen already had a play date arranged so we went to lunch and then took him to his friend's house. Lunch was great, we discussed everthing from Miss California to concentration camps. Ian was just sitting there taking it all in. After we dropped Owen off, we replayed the same conversation - just on a 6 year old level. I just cannot get over the fact of how much he continues to surprise me. I remember clearly the day I realized Owen would rather grow up to be Ryan than me. Don't get me wrong, that is what I want, it is just different to have that change of power. However, the thing I noticed is Owen had no other competition. He wanted to be Ryan. Ian on the other hand, has Owen and Ryan. Don't get me wrong, my boys have a traditional love/hate relationship I assmume most brothers have. Yet, there is a very clear sense of mutual affection. Ian in some ways, already sees himself as Owen's peer and is often very good at it. Then, he can make a comment, ask a question, want to play with something and it makes you go "that's right, he is only six." I loved yesterday; I loved seeing my baby as he is, seeing the hints of the young man he is deciding to be. It was bittersweet.

Just to give a sample of the transformation I am seeing, these pictures were from a few weeks ago. Several years ago, we started sometimes giving the gift of time as a birthday present rather than a gift. Ian remembers Owen doing this for a special friend and he wanted to give the same to his friend. Ian loves Adventure Landing. He had his 3rd birthday party there because that was the age you had to be in order to ride the go-carts. He made everyone of his guests sit on the bleachers as he took his first victory lap around the track. He smiled and waved "look at me - I am big enough!" So, Emily and I took Ian and his fellow-old soul Issac to adventure landing for a day of minature golf, laser tag, video games and of course, go-carts.

An intense game of minature golf.

Ian saying go "faster, faster"

Isaac, hilariously screaming.

Independence

2009-04-22T09:07:00.004-04:00

Independence, generally speaking, is an ugly word at my house. I am a strong-headed, willful, stubborn, independent person. I have been that way as long as I can remember. Therefore, I can only assume I was born that way. However, naturally over time, my independence has weakened. I do believe that I was not created to be independent but to live peacefully under the leadership and direction of my husband. The one flaw in this system is that from January - April my husband is not present. For the most part, even when his body is at home - he is not really home. So, my natural instincts kick in and I take over. For us, it works. Yet, when tax season is over, it takes a little while for us to transition back. I have to help him "get in the know" of the details. The kids have to get used to him being home more. He doesn't appreciate their "creations" quite like I do. Usually at the end of tax season, we go away on a mini-vacation. We went skiing at the first of January this year so we didn't go anywhere. It was nice to stay home and just do things around here. The kids didn't enjoy it quite as much but if felt really good to get some major things checked off the list. Overall, this has been one of the toughest seasons we have had in a long time. Our first tax season (1995) was especially torturous. As we hit our groove, they got better. Then the seasons when Alexa and Ian were very small were tough - they had way too much mom time. The season Henry lived with us was tough - that one was really tougher on Ryan because Owen and Henry would fight for his attention the moment he walked into the door. I wasn't expecting this one to be difficult. Maybe that is why it was - maybe I was overconfident in MY abilities. This year, the kids had A LOT going on. When they were little, I would try to taper the activities we did during tax season. That is impossible to do now. We (I) had a lot of firsts this year. 1- Ian played Upward basketball for the first time. Ryan & Emily were his coaches. 2- Alexa did cheerleading. This was not her first year but the first year she and Ian were not in the same league. 3- Owen had gymnastic meets all over the place in Jan, Feb, & March. The exact same time as the upward games were going on; when Ryan was trying to work, coach basketball and transport Alexa to games. My parents helped a lot. My mom came to a lot of their games and my dad helped to transport when he was off. 4 - I drove Owen to Hickory by myself and stayed in a hotel overnight. I had never stayed in a hotel with me as the only adult. It was interesting. 5- I flew with Owen to Miami. It was the first time I had ever flown as the parent in charge and it was Owen's first time flying. 6- Drove all over Miami in a little red Cavalier. My first time to drive in a city as large as Miami, having NO idea where I was going. Truth be told, that was kind of fun. I don't think I would have been a very good passenger-side driver. 7 - I took Emily to the doctor's at UNC Chapel Hill. I do not do well in this type of situation but I did okay. Emily was brave. :) 8 - I took Ian and a friend to Adventure Landing to play laser tag and ride the go-carts. 9 - I put together a bicycle. Okay, Emily and my Dad helped A LOT and the seat did fall off the next day. But Ian had one glorious day of riding his new bike. Luckily, it was at the end of tax season and he didn't have to wait long for the repair. The point is we are in a stage of our life where time stops for no one. Basketball, cheerleading, gymnastics, doctor's appointments, etc, etc, are going to continue to dominate our lives for sometime now. The truth of the matter is Ryan would much rather do all of those things with me. He knows I have fears of motel rooms, of doctor's offices, driving in large cities. Yet, I know he would be there if he could. Someone made the comment that it is only 25% of the year. I can look at that like - man, 25% is A LOT or I can look at it like - thank goodness it is only 25%. I am thankful that he is here and very involved in the other 75%. I am grateful that he has a job, he is a hard worker, he likes what he does. The first night Ryan was home, Ian curled up in his lap and said "Daddy, when will tax season be over?" Ryan said, "It is over, buddy, that is why I am home." Ian nodded his head and said "how much longer until it is tax season again?" A long time, buddy, a long time; we've got the glorious other 75% to go!

My boys

2009-03-24T00:12:00.003-04:00

I have noticed something this week about my boys and I decided to share my revelation. My two boys are very different and very similar. Their temperaments, their likes/dislikes, their physiques are very different. However, their love for rough housing, their sports-mindedness, their love for their mother are very much the same. One very significant similiarity is that they are both homebodies. When Owen was little, he was extreme. His extreme was why I quit working. Ian has always been a bit more subtle. I am not sure if this is due to his personality or if he had less of a choice. Owen only had one older sibling to go places where Ian had three. (I think)I have finally figured out why they get so out of whack if we are not home enough. My boys are totally different at home than they are anywhere else. I discovered just this weekend that very few people actually KNOW my boys. There are some family members and a few close friends. That is so the opposite of my girls - they are "what you see is what you get" all the time. Owen and I went to Hickory this weekend for a gymnastics meet. So many people told me how well-mannered he was, how attentive, how he was really focused. Now, I was there and I totaly agree that he was all of those things. However, I saw all over his face that it took everything he had. We were in a new gym with different coaches, different kids, judges, etc. He knew to be on his "best behavior." It was not something I coached, it just happened. Out in public, neither of my boys hardly speak; but at home they rattle off like crazy; talking, screaming, wrestling, aggrivating, etc, etc. I think it is great that they know how to behave outside of our house and that home is their "safe haven." I am also grateful for those few places and people who have invested in my boys' lives and get a real glimpe of how great they really are - inside and out!

Happy Birthday, Owen!

2009-03-12T01:17:00.006-04:00

My blog is doing something crazy with the pictures. So, I will give my thoughts then share the pictures. Owen is by far my most strong-willed child. He was born with his own ideas of how things should go. He is the salmon of our family. However, under that pricklyness, there is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, talented young man. Owen has my weakness for passion. He is very passionate about what he believes in (whether right or wrong :) ). He is stuck in traditions and thrives with a predictable schedule. He is slow - unless chasing a football. He hates math - unless you are talking sports stats. He loves Jesus, his family, football, the Washington Redskins, and NC State. He is an accomplished gymnast and a 2nd degree Black belt. He is our resident geography whiz, president whiz, and animal specialist. Ryan teases that my "momma bear claws" will come out the fastest to defend Owen. He is my true diamond in the ruff. I cannot believe he is 12 today. Happy Birthday, Owen!
This is Owen the day we came home from the hospital.
He has always been a climber. Emily didn't like him to play with this house because he moved the furniture. This is what he did while she was at preschool.

Storms

2009-03-08T22:20:00.004-04:00

Last week was one week I wouldn't want to ever do over. It was stressful from beginning to end. There were days where I just wanted to open the cover of my Bible and wrap it tightly around me - like an infant in a blanket. I didn't want to teach the children, clean the house, cook the meals, wash the clothes, play taxi driver, etc., etc. Tax season is tough on us. Ryan is torn between his responsibilities at work vs his responsibilities here and struggles to find enough energy for both. I struggle with bouncing from leader to follower; leading in his absence - following in his prescence. The kids struggle with who's in charge and just the daily schedule. When the kids were younger, Ryan hated to hear my distressed call of "what time did you say you were coming home?" As the kids have gotten older, the call is different. It is more of a challenge to get them to all their activities as well as keep him in the loop of where we are, what is going on, etc. However, one thing I have learned this week is that there are somethings you should never take for granted. It is easy to get comfortable where we are and no longer notice the things around us or the people around us. During my distress calls to the Lord this week I came across this quote: "Those who abandon ship the first time it enters a storm miss the calm beyond. And the rougher the storms weathered together, the deeper and stronger real love grows." (Ruth Bell Graham) I think of how many things/blessings we may miss out on because we aren't willing to buckle down and weather the storm. I'll be honest, I don't like storms - especially big ones; I cannot control storms, I cannot predict storms. However, I am equipped with what I need to weather storms and to learn from them. This is my new favorite verse "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." (Psalm 139: 23-24)

Love

2009-02-11T22:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, I feel another pessimistic blog coming on. I am not a lovey, mushy kind of girl. And, since being married to an accountant, I have given up on Valentine's Day. Although, truth be told, it has never been my favorite "holiday." I have been reading a book called One Month the Live: Thirty Days to a No-Regrets Life by Kerry and Chris Shook. It has been a very interesting book. I am on the chapter about Loving Completely. Here is what the first part says: "When it is all said and done, relationships are all that really matter. It doesn't matter how much money we have, where we live, or how many beautiful toys we have collected. None of these can comfort us, console us, cry with us, or love us. Our investment in the people we care about is the only legacy that has the power to endure beyond our lifetime." Ryan teases me because I am obsessed with my funeral. I know that sounds crazy but it totally made since to me when I read this passage. How many people come to my funeral, to me, equates the amount of people I invested in. Sometimes, in my world, I lose sight of the day to day people I invest in outside of my four walls. I know I have not invested in others as many as some but perhaps more than others. However, I can honestly say when I love, I love for life. I have never told someone I loved them on a whim; not even as a child. I was listening to a song from the Fireproof soundtrack the other day and it said this "Love is not a place to come and go as we please. It's a house we enter in and then commit to never leave." That is so me. So, when I begin to get onto myself about being off-standish I am going to remind myself that I strive for "quality not quantity"!

First Field Trip

2009-01-27T14:54:00.006-05:00

Today, for the first time ever I took my two youngest children on a "field trip." Now, when my older two were younger we took TONS of field trips. We went to Lowe's Foods, Food Lion, Pizza Hut, Daylight Donuts, Subway (after this trip Emily was positive she was going to be a "sandwich artist" for years afterward), the Fire Station, the Police Station, every NC aquarium and nearly every Children's museum within a 300 mile radius. However, somehow that got lost in our day to day of living. As a Kindergarten teacher in my former life, this is something I have felt very guilty over for my youngest two children. So, a few weeks ago when I saw a field trip to Lowe's Foods I decided - "we're doing it." We were supposed to go last Tuesday but due to the snow, it was rescheduled for today. We had to be there at 10:00am. We pulled up at 9:58 - just in time for this group shot in front of the store. Alexa asks - "Mom, were you late with Emily and Owen too?" No, probably not.

We get into the store. We get hats and follow the balloon cart. The very nice lady takes us around the store looking for healthy snacks. Now, since this was our very first field trip and my older two had taken this trip years ago - they were prepping my younger on things to look for. "Be sure to touch the lobster, notice how cold the freezer it, watch the boxes get smashed, taste the kiwi, eat the cookie, scan your grocery, look at the meat grinder, etc." Well, let's just say the field trip has changed in the past 6 years. The only thing that was the same was the hat, the pencil, and looking/touching the lobster. Instead of tasting a cookie, they got an orange slice and a sandwich bag of shredded wheat.

Here is Alexa and Ian posing after the field trip. The kids had a great time going around the store with a few other kids. They enjoyed wearing the hats for the rest of the day and playing with the balloon. I did learn that they are not as bad off as I thought they were. Minus the hat, other kids and following the balloon cart, they have been on this field trip a zillion times. Over the years, I have become much more of the "everything is a field trip" kind of mom/teacher than I ever gave myself credit for. I mentioned to the lady the differences in our trips. She responded, "We have such codes and guidelines as to who can go where in the store due to safety regulations and health concerns." So, our sue happy, germophoic tendencies ruined our "behind the scenes" field trip. Oh well, taken Alexa and Ian on a field trip: CHECK!

Happy Birthday Alexa

2009-01-08T12:52:00.011-05:00

This is Alexa the day she came home from the hospital. She was already looking at Owen with a "What!" type expression and she had only known him for s few days.

This was Alexa waiting to get her first haircut - just a bangs trim.

This is her getting ready to go to her very first friend party. It was a little boy of a sister in Owen's gymnastics class. Years later, they would be in the same TaeKwonDo classes. Who knew...

This was Alexa skating on her birthday. She has to make a fashion statement even at the skating rink!

I love this picture. This is Alexa. I am surprised she is not making an open mouthed expression. She probably was but I made her stop. Alexa is the most flamboyant, exuberant, sensitive, peculiar, walk to her own drummer kind of kid. She loves life to the fullest. When she was little, I worried she had a sleep problem because as soon as she was still and quiet - she was asleep. I have pictures of her asleep in most the most precarious positions and places.

This picture was obviously at Disney. The peculiarity I was mentioning coming out here. She desperately wanted her picture taken with the prince. Our table was in an odd place and we couldn't quite figure out the prince's table pattern so he got to our table quicker than we expected. Alexa refused her have her picture taken without her gloves. The young "prince" was very kind and gracious and was helping Alexa to put on her gloves. He couldn't quite get her fingers right and Alexa was insistent that they be on correctly AND pulled all the way up. So, Ryan reached over to help the poor fellow so that he could take the picture and move on to the the next table. I am saving this picture for Alexa's wedding so that she will always know that sometimes even "Prince Charming" may need her dad's help!

This was the final product after all the fuss. Pretty as a picture isn't she?

This is my girl. She squeals in delight when happy and cries like her heart is broken when sad. You always know where you stand with Alexa. She is so excited to be 8 because she gets to get out of a booster seat. A few weeks ago, we were sitting at the mall having lunch and Alexa was doing her usual eating very slow and watching all the people around her. Suddenly, out of the blue she says: "When will Obama become President?" "January" I answer. "Well," she replies,"he had better not think of raising the car seat age to 9 or I am going to send him a strong letter filled with words I am not allowed to say!" (Owen was affected when the current car seat law was changed - he was out of a booster but had to go back in one from Jan - March.) "Alexa," I say, exactly how are you going to know how to spell all these words you are not allowed to say?" She thinks for a moment and replies "Emily - I am sure SHE knows how to spell them!" Hmmm.... I've said all along that we must channel this girl's power for good!

christmas is overrated

2008-12-29T23:45:00.004-05:00

Okay, hear me out: "Christ"mas is not overrated - christmas is overrated. I have decided that as a relational follower of Jesus Christ (as opposed to a religious follower) I get jipped at Christmas. The whole idea behind Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. I do that most of the year through. I will not be so vain as to say I am thankful for His birth daily; however, I do verbally recognize and offer my thanksgiving for the birth of Christ often. As I have grown older in my role of motherhood, Mary's position and predicament burden my mind often. I love Christmas. I love that "ordinary" radio stations play music written about the birth of Christ. I love the silly ones and the meaniningful ones. I heard John 3:16 being quoted on 101.5! I love the lights and decorations. I love buying and giving gifts. I love trying to study a person and listen to find out little things that would show them I care. I love adopting a family - getting my children excited about giving something they often take for granted. I love sending and receiving Christmas cards to hang on my wall. I love Christmas. However, here is the part where I feel jipped; it takes me a LONG time to get all of these things done so that I can just sit and ponder, sit and marvel, sit and wonder. In fact, it takes me so long that by the time I am ready - all the world has stopped. The music is gone, the lights are out, trees down, gifts returned - no one cares about the good-will of others. The warm - fuzzy feeling is gone. Why? - is what I want to scream! Okay, I understand the music - (although I have to confess every now and again I slip that Christmas CD in just for a pick-me-up), I also understand the decorations and lights. As for gifts - people all around us still love gifts - I am not talking Xbox type gifts - a call to see how they are doing, taking an unused cart, speaking kindly to the wal-mart cashier, etc. And the cards - how long has it been since just sending a real card to someone you care about - a card you have to think about purchasing (or hand designing) and you have to actually go to a post office to mail it. And that adoptive family - they don't just have needs at Christmas. The family we helped out this year is a single mother of three young children. She has a full-time job, manages her money carefully, takes all of her responsibilities seriously yet she cannot pay her bills each month. Yes, this girl needs more financial income but she also needs prayer, an occasional free babysitter, a mentor. But I can't do those things - Christmas is over. According to the world, it abruptly stopped December 25 at midnight. The Cinderella world officially turned back into a pumpkin. I sure am glad I celebrate "Christ"mas and not christmas or I would officially be depressed.

Divorce

2008-12-15T10:23:00.003-05:00

Divorce is a topic that has been bugging me lately. Recently, through facebook, I discovered an old friend who married his childhood sweetheart. I had even seen them and their two cute little boys in my hometown a few years ago. Well, imagine my surprise when I looked through this "friend's" pictures that the caption that read my heart, my life, my best friend, my wife was not the same girl I knew. I was terribly sad and heartbroken for them. Now, they are not really my "friends" and I know nothing about their life, their circumstances, nothing. However, I could not imagine watching my husband be married to another woman. I could not imagine passing him in the grocery store knowing he once knew every intimate detail about me.
This past Sunday, our lesson was on the Proverbs 31 woman. I teach 6th grade girls. We were discussing choices; choices in choosing our friends, choices in choosing our romantic interests; choices in who/what we want to be. We were discussing how in the passage King Lemuel's father had to have seen some of these qualities in his "girlfriend" before she became his wife and the mother of his children. Many of them started telling me the courtship of their mother and father. There was one girl who told of her parents courtship like she was watching a fairytale movie. Then she added, they were married 12 years. My mom got engaged to someone else last weekend. Poof, Cinderella gone Nightmare.
I know divorce happens. My parent's got divorced when I was 2. Ryan's parents divorced after 26 years. But why? Why is happily ever after so difficult? I was discussing this with my children, who have friends that are currently being torn through a terrible he said/she said battle of their parents. After a few moments Owen replied, "it's all Eve's fault." He hit the nail on the head. It is all about sin. Satan would love nothing more than to rip our families to shreds, to shatter our trust in other people, to destroy our faith. Satan can make "the grass on the other side" look so tempting. Marriage takes selflessness, sacrifice, determination, and hard work. Everyone wants to live "happily ever after." I guess the truth is in how you define "happier." If it's okay, I prefer to stay "happy, happier, happiest" with the one I've got! :)

Little gifts

2008-12-08T09:44:00.002-05:00

I was going to show pictures of the kids at their Black belt graduation; but I am not. I was going to show you pictures of my beautiful Thanksgiving table; but I am not. I was going to tell you how overwhelmed I feel by my schedule, my calendar, my family, my Christmas-to-do lists; but I am not. Instead, I am going to tell you of a wonderful gift I received. Due to all the things above, I have not been sleeping well and for some reason, my filing cabinet has been bugging me. It is way too full of stuff I no longer need. So, I have been going through folder by folder getting rid of stuff I no longer need or duplicate pages. Every year when each of my children were in Kindergarten, we put up a huge turkey, cut out a million feathers and mailed them to friends and family of that child's choice with directions for them to write what they are thankful for and for them to mail it back to us. We get those feathers in the mail and tape them to our turkey. Since last year was my last Kindergarten turkey, I decided it would be fun to take the picture of every one's turkey and those feathers and put them in a scrap book. It is very cool to see how people's blessings changed from Emily to Ian. Well, I couldn't find Owen's feathers. I had a very distinct flash-back to sitting on the garage floor at my old house with the file folder of feathers in my hand. I put them in the trash, I took them out of the trash. When I couldn't find them, I assumed I must have left them in the trash. You see, I do not like junk. I am a junk a phobic. However, I am a sap for nostalgia. I was crushed that I let my state of overwhelmed with junk and a small house, persuade me throw out these precious feathers. I am sure the conversation went something like this: "I might want to do something with these one of these days" Only to which I would answer myself "Yeah, right, you are never going to do anything but let this pile up into more and more junk. Besides, you probably threw Emily's away too." Well, a few nights ago, I was going through my December folder and purging the things I no longer wanted. And there, in the December folder in a smaller folder labeled "foil names" were Owen's feathers. I was so glad to see them. You would have thought it would have been some long lost relative. I know this sounds crazy but I could have cried. I felt pure joy and relief at having these feathers in my hands. I didn't ponder (too long) or beat myself up as to why they were in the wrong folder under the wrong name and I didn't have anyone to tell (because they were all asleep) and even if they were up they would not have the same appreciation for these feathers that I have mourned over for the past 5 years. I would like to say I immediately made my scrapbook - I didn't. However, I did get out all 4 of our feather folders and read them and prayed over them and put them all together in ONE folder with each folder labeled correctly. I hope and pray that I never stop rejoicing and praising Him for the small, simple, pleasures of life He bestows upon me; and that I never come to the point where I don't recognize that they are from Him.

The Weekend!

2008-11-20T09:18:00.010-05:00

Disciple Now was this weekend. We have been a host home for Disciple Now for 4 years, for Emily's group. Since this is the first year we have had two in the youth group, we decided to host Owen's group, sixth grade boys. Last year, we had 9th grade girls; needless to say, switching from 9th grade girls to 6th grade boys was quite a culture shock. I have to admit that I was a little nervous. We get college-aged small group leaders and they stay the weekend as well. Truth be told, I was even more nervous when I was given the list of said leaders. I didn't know either of them personally. However, they did a fabulous job. As you will see, they had no problems "connecting" with the boys.
This is a game of football on Saturday. We were so thankful that the rain stopped long enough for them to be outside for a while. There was ALOT of energy!
This is the mastermind "huddle."

In the middle of all of this, Owen and I had to go to Kernersville for his first gymnastics meet. He did very well. He came in 7th place overall and his team came in 3rd place. We left on Saturday around 2 and got back at almost midnight. The lady that so generously let us ride with her so that Ryan could keep the van, hit a deer on her way home. She was fine, the deer was fine, the van - not so much.

This is a prime example of the small group leader "connecting" with the boys. They were getting ready for bed, yeah right! :) One of the other major differences between the girls and boys was during the night (when all were sleeping) with girls you would hear a giggle here and there; with boys you hear laughing followed by a crash. At which, I get to elbow Ryan and send him downstairs.

This was their other favorite past time. I knew it was a perfect match when the boys were asking Owen on the way home what sort of gaming system he had. Ryan had connected the playstation to the projector so they could play the game on the wall. One of the small group leaders came with his own gaming system and games and controllers! One group was playing one game downstairs and another group was playing upstairs. Nope, you don't get that with girls.

They did branch out and play something other than football and video games. Ryan had gotten a big stack of games out (the girl's favorites) and the boys played this one over and over.

On Saturday the boys had to do a service project. We, with a little help from my friend Beth, decided to make care packages for soldiers. We were uncertain of the weather and couldn't see the boys being entranced by "baking cookies." They got into the soldier project. Ryan and the two small group leaders went to Wal-mart to buy needed supplies. I can only imagine the scene in wal-mart. Apparently, three boys decided to use their own money to buy a couple of Amp drinks they were trying to drink at 11:00 pm! The sleepy father figure in Ryan promptly took all the amps away.

Here is our group. We had a few that didn't show at all and one who had been assigned to the wrong grade. All in all, I thought it was a great weekend. I think the kids did too. One boy wanted to know if he could come back home with us when church was over. One boy commented that he thought it would be cool to have a Disciple Now month instead of Disciple Now Weekend. I think the powers that be are very wise to keep it to one weekend, once a year. Sign me up for next year!

A good laugh at myself

2008-11-11T00:55:00.002-05:00

Okay, so tonight I was waiting for Owen to get out of gymnastics. He has his first meet of the season coming up this weekend and he has been very anxious over the fact that he does not feel as prepared as he would liketo be going into the first meet. The routines change every three years. He moved up a level last year; which was the last year with that routine. So, this is two years in a row he has had to learn a new routine. However, unlike last year, everyone is learning a new routine this year. Anyway, I went in to watch him work out. He doesn't like me to just "stare" so I picked up a magazine to wait and "watch." I was really just skimming the articles when I came across one that was in the connections section. The subtitle read: 'You are cordially invited to join our lovely hostess/columnist for her latest nervous breakdown...uh, we mean party. The article was about this lady that could not, despite her best efforts host a pleasant dinner party. When asking her significant other his opinion as to why she couldn't host a proper dinner party this was his reply: "The only thing you're doing wrong is constantly striving to do everything exactly right and you drive yourself and everybody else nuts trying to achieve it." She sits back and reflects on what he says. This is her conclusion: She says, "I know he's right. I am part geisha girl, part drill sergeant, with just a soupcon of control freak thrown in for good measure. I want everyone to relax and have a good time, but that has to start with me, and I am about as laid back as a caged hummingbird guzzling a can of Red Bull while awaiting biopsy results. You can keep your medication, your reflexology, your gin, your tonics - I'm just not the mellow type." For some odd reason, (certainly NOT because I could identify with it) this image struck me as hilariously funny; about as laid back as a caged humming bird guzzling a can of Red Bull.... I wonder if this lady has ever been at my house BEFORE a party! :)

Expectations

2008-11-04T09:46:00.004-05:00

Expectations for some people is a heavy word. I,personally, buckle under expectations. I cannot handle the pressure. I have discovered a nasty fact about me these past few weeks. I am a people pleaser. Now don't get too excited, I am not an EVERYONE people pleaser. If I don't know you or don't like you - I don't care what you think - good, bad, ugly. However, if I care about you, I want to please. The closer you are to me, the worse it is. Ryan and I went to a marriage conference last weekend. It was a very good conference and we enjoyed the time together. One of the speakers said something that has affected me. He said the difference between who you are and who you want to be is a land called disappointment. Ouch. This is where my struggle comes in - how to you strive to be Christ-like in a dismal, fallen world without losing sight of the fact that we were all born a sinner. I am never going to be perfect, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to be. How do you balance those "expectations" without going overboard? I have always thought it to be a pride issue and I know on some scale it is. Yet, I am now realizing that it is not pride that makes me push to succeed. I want to be a good steward of all the blessings God has given me. I want to be the best at all the things He has called me to be. (Un)Fortunately, He has called me to be a lot of things: wife, mother, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, maid, cook, taxi driver, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed beyond measure to be called and equipped to do/be all of these things. As I am getting older, I am seeing a direct correlation between my perfectionism and my procrastination. I procrastinate because I cannot do it "perfectly". Over time, I see that turning me into a quitter; giving up because I don't want to be a disappointment. For many years I have said that my tombstone was going to say "She tried" because I really do try. This week I was reading an article about Billy Graham in the paper and it said that Ruth Graham's headstone said: "End of Construction -- Thank you for your patience." I think that is beautiful. When I was in elementary school, I had a red notebook that said "Please be patient, God is not finished with me yet." I loved that notebook (obviously, I am blogging about it 30 years later:)). I guess that is the key, being willing to be patient and willing to be under construction and willing to step over all the mess and take all the detours that construction requires until we are at the "end of construction." How desperately I want to live this life so that I will hear "well done, thy good and faithful servant."

Football

2008-10-28T14:25:00.005-04:00

Owen loves football. I have often said that if you cut Ryan open, he would bleed taxes. Well, Owen would bleed football. He loves to play football, he loves to watch football, he loves to talk football. Several years ago we let him play flag football with the Homeschool Football League. It was a wonderful organization. However, over time, the practice location kept getting moved further and further away and due to other commitments, Owen quit playing. He begged every year to play contact football. I was worried over his size and every year the practice days conflicted with gymnastics. But this year, he had some other friends that were playing in the league and told us that the practice was on Tuesday and Thursday which would not interfere with gymnastics at all. After much begging (on Owen's & Ryan's part) I agreed we would try it just ONCE! I have to say, I am still impressed with the league and as always I am very impressed by Owen. He really got out there and did his best. He was one of the few that the coach did not already know. It was really cool to watch the transformation of being on the sidelines to being part of the "team." This is a picture of Owen before the first game:
Owen is the one nearly doing a split while in position for the ball to be hiked. We could always tell which one was one - the one nearly on the ground:

I love this picture. I don't exactly know why; that is Owen #66. They just seem so "manly":

This is a picture after the game:

The football season is over now. The conference game was Saturday; after being ranked 2nd all season, they came in 4th in the play-offs. Ryan and I were out of town and missed the game. We got home Sunday to a very disappointed boy. He didn't take the loss like a man. He took the loss like a broken-hearted 11 year old boy - he wept and wept and wept and wept. He wept for the lost game, he wept because we had missed it, he wept because the season was over. Then, he felt much better and all was well in our little corner of the world.

A little of this and a little of that

2008-10-05T13:04:00.003-04:00

Well, I am still planning on posting the details of Ian's party. I cannot believe it has been a week. This weekend was just as busy as last. Friday we had co-op (it was my week to teach), subtesting (for Emily and Owen's black belt testing), and Saturday we had Owen's football game. All of those activities were consecutively boom, boom, boom. We didn't get home until midnight Friday night and then had to leave at 9:45 the next morning to go to the game. The Father/Son campout was this weekend as well. This is something my boys (all three of them) look forward to all year. However, in our "something has got to give" campaign; that was what got cut. Unfortunately, this was more for Owen's benefit than Ian's. Ian carried the longer lasting disappointment. So, because we had gotten home so late on Friday night, we decided to postpone our Friday Family night to Saturday night so that we could enjoy it a little more. After the game on Saturday, we were able to come back home. After a few stops, we got home around 4. We decided to play a game of kickball before supper. My dad and the little girl across the road made the teams 4 against 4. We had a great time. Then, we came in for pizza and movies. On Friday's we eat on the floor and sleep all together on a big mattress on the middle of the living room floor. We bought a projector last year and watch our bedtime movie on the wall. Well, Ian's movie was scratched so we were just messing around after supper and then the kids went to get on their pj's and Ryan went to bake the cookies (not from scratch - just pull of the paper and place on the pan). Anyway, Ian had gotten out his bubble blower thing but it wouldn't work. He got out a different bottle and started blowing bubbles. His bottle was one of the one's that doesn't spill. The new bottle he spilt all over the floor in just opening it. So, we poured out his old bubble stuff and put in the new. Ryan had my ipod playing in the kitchen and I handed the bubble bottle back to him. Rather than taking the bottle, he stood there ready to attack bubbles. So, I did a very uncharacteristic thing for me - I blew bubbles! I blew and blew and blew. My sweet baby popped and popped and popped. He did chops, he did punches, he did kicks, he tried to eat them, he blocked them. We blew and popped bubbles for 20 minutes. I know to most of you are probably thinking, "yeah, so?" At that moment, with Ian in the kitchen, I was the kind of mother I WANT to be. I didn't fuss about the bubble stuff getting on the floor, I didn't blow once or twice and then quit, I didn't give suggestions for him to do something other than what he was doing. We just blew bubbles. I felt like my heart would burst. I cannot exactly identify why - if it is because he is my baby and I am not sure how I feel about that, and he is getting so big; if it was because my family was near and we were just us being us; if it was at that moment, I felt so undeniably blessed. I guess it was a combination of all of those things. I know for that moment, I wanted to pause time. I wanted to hold on so tight to all of them and never let go. Then Ryan burst into my daydreaming and says "the cookies are ready to decorate." Ian so sweetly pats me on the arm, gives me a wink and says "good blowin', ma" and runs off to argue over which color sprinkle goes on which cookie and who gets to decorate how many. Where does the time go?!

Happy Birthday, My baby!

2008-09-25T20:15:00.002-04:00

This is my baby in December 2002. He has a worried look on his face. My mom has always said he looked like a worried old man. Ian is such a sweet boy. We found out later that the name Ian means "Gift from God." He definitely is. I cannot believe it has been 6 years. My, how time flies. He had an awesome "Indiana Jones" party today. It was a lot of fun. I will post pictures of the day later.

This is a picture of Ian today. He had begged and pleaded for a pet for months. He wanted a guinea pig, then a rat, then a rabbit, then back to a rat. However, I am not a pet person and wanted to get him a STUFFED pet. So, Ryan sensibly decided on a bird. Owen has a bird and Ian handles his a lot. This is a picture of Ian and his pet "Puffin."

Moving On

2008-09-24T12:42:00.003-04:00

Well, I always knew I was a topical kind of person: when my topic ran out, the blogging stopped. Actually, there have been several things/times when I started a post and either changed my mind or had to go do something else. Here where just a few of the highlights I was going to share of what's been going on the past two weeks: 1 - Emily had a great birthday party. It was laid back, low key and a lot of fun. I think all of the kids (and parents) enjoyed themselves. At first, she was a little nervous that it would not feel like a "party." 2 -I had a great birthday as well. It was on a Sunday so it was a little busy because of all our commitments. Ryan, the kids and my dad went in together and got me a recliner. We had one my parents had given us the Christmas before Owen was born but it was broken and BLUE so it didn't make the "new house" cut. Emily and Ryan went to pick it out - they even took a couch pillow to match. They came home with a beige chair (my couch is an olive color). I took it back the next day and exchanged it for a burgundy colored chair. The lady saw me walk in the door and commented that "she thought I would be back." I hated it do it - I really wanted to keep the one they bought - I just couldn't do it. I tried, I really did. However, I was very careful to make sure I got the same chair - just a different color. I have to say that I have not been in it that much but the kids are definitely enjoying it. Ian is convinced we got it for the sole purpose of rocking him! :) Not at night, just for little spells here and there. 3- All of the kids activities are in full swing. Owen had his first football game Saturday before last. He played a great game and is loving it. Emily's Chemistry class and choir has started back. They are both preparing for their 2nd degree black belts in November, so there is a huge amount of training and preparation that goes into that as well as everything else we already have going on. It feels as though every moment of my day is so structured that one idle minute and it is all a wash. I am like the princess in bug's life: "There is a gap in the line - what are we going to do!? There is a GAP in MY line!" My life has become one big "gap" that is spinning at a break-neck pace. I am coming to the conclusion that due to my control-oriented nature (I am saving that for another post later) chaos is God's way of keeping me reigned in and totally dependent on Him.

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 15

2008-09-03T10:39:00.004-04:00

This is Emily's 15th Birthday. We will be having her party later this weekend. We are going to Red Robin this afternoon for a birthday lunch. At this point in our lives, lunch was much easier to arrange. Ryan is going to take a lunch break and meet us there. This picture is of Emily this morning after we had gotten home from the DMV. She was so nervous I thought her head was going to explode. Luckily, the man started joking and asking her questions so she tempered down a bit. I made her drive around the Food Lion parking lot and then I let her drive home. It wasn't too bad. She is very cautious. There was one guy on a moped making me a little nervous but she did good. I think I was more concerned about what bite me in Ryan's car than her driving! :) Ryan took the truck this morning so that she could drive the car. I am not ready for her to drive the van yet. I want her to practice a little before hitting the open road.

On one hand, I cannot believe she is 15; on the other hand, she seems so much older. She is one of the most terrific people I know. She is kind, intelligent, sensitive, cautious, and beautiful on the inside and out. She is a great, loyal, caring friend, sister, and daughter. I have been so blessed in the fact that I was chosen to be her mother. I hope she has learned a fraction from me what I have learned from her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 13 & 14

2008-09-02T23:27:00.003-04:00

This is Emily's 13th birthday. Next to her fourth, this was my favorite. We decided to have an Emmy/Oscar party. Once again, I was ahead of my time. There was NOTHING with any hint of this theme. You can find it everywhere now! Anyway, we decided the girls would make a movie or talent of their choice. One of my biggest regrets in life is that the first 6 minutes of this priceless video got recorded over. We have never reused a video tape again. After the talent/movie show, we got dressed for the award ceremony. We had gone to the Goodwill and purchased several party dresses and some of the girls brought dresses from their closets. They "shopped" and picked out a dress. My mom and sister-in-law came to do hair and make-up, my dad did nails. (For those of you that do not know - my dad is/was a nail technician.) Then we rolled out the red carpet and Ryan "announced" each girl as they came down the stairs. Unfortunately, I don't think we took a group shot of all the girls when they were dressed up. We took an individual picture as they came down the stairs. After the awards (everyone shared their favorite memory with Emily) we had the party and danced the night away. At the end of the video, everyone wished Emily a Happy Birthday. It was great.

This is Emily's 14th Birthday. We decided to have a mystery party. I decided against purchasing pre-who-dun-it type scenario cards. By mid-night the evening before the party, I was wishing that I had. We had asked the girls to come dressed as a profession. It was not quite like I wanted it to be; but, I tried. The girls were great sports and I think they had a great time anyway!

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 10, 11, & 12

2008-09-01T20:54:00.007-04:00

This is Emily's 10th Birthday. She was in a crazy horse phase. So, since she was hitting the double digits, we decided to do something "big." We went horseback riding. And when I say we, I mean we. It was the last time I have been on a horse. Mine was crazy and took off down the creek (with me still on its back) and the little guide girl saying "Don't scream - it scares the horse!" Scare the horse, yeah right! We still laugh about that memory quite often.

This was Emily's 11th birthday. We had a doggie theme. They groomed their dogs, created dog bowls and got their nails done. The nails had nothing to do with dogs - it just became a tradition. I think nails have been done at every birthday since.

This is Emily's 12th Birthday party. We had an Asian theme. We went to see Sky High. A friend was doing a school project with a "Flat Zoie" that is why there is a paper doll in the picture.

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 7, 8, & 9

2008-08-31T14:38:00.006-04:00

This is Emily's 7th birthday. This would be the beginning of a LONG line of slumber parties! In fact, I think she has had at least a few friends stay over every birthday since then. We made and decorated pillow cases, had a fashion show, and stayed up VERY late! It was a lot of fun.

This is Emily's 8th birthday. She had a fishing/camp out party. I don't exactly remember how this one came to be except for the fact that she wanted a tent for her birthday. Mr. Elton volunteered (sort of) to take the girls (and Owen & Andrew) fishing. They went to the pond that was behind the church. It is more like a marsh now than a pond. Anyway, you can see all the fish they caught. After fishing, they came back to our house cooked out on the grill (no, not the fish!), swam in the pool and camped in the tent outside. Luckily, the weather held out and it didn't rain.

This is Emily's 9th birthday. We had just gone ice skating. That was before there was a factory. Mr. Richard (Leigh & Andrew's dad) and Emily's grandma came to the rink too. This was our first experience ice skating. Although we had a great time, we learned it is very cold and sometimes wet!

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 6

2008-08-30T09:48:00.006-04:00

This was Emily's 6th Birthday. We had a pirate party. I don't know if I was still feeling guilty over the Chuck-E-Cheese party last year or was still intimidated by the fact that my homeschooler was going to be "unsocial"; whatever it was, we had invited EVERYONE she knew. Anyway, we had decided on a pirate theme because she loved hunting for "treasure." So I had it all planned out, we would walk the plank, make eye patches and hook hands, and of course, we would hunt for treasure. I think we had about 16 kids coming. We had a huge backyard, it was going to be great. Well, another problem with being born in September is the fact that it is hurricane weather. The evening before, we had gone to my mom's for a family birthday gathering (nearly 1/2 my extended and personal family has a birthday in September). Now, my grandfather has been a fisherman and crabber on the NC coast for most of my life. He had come to his winter house for the weekend to celebrate birthdays. So, Saturday afternoon when they were calling for an evacuation of the coast, he decides he needs to GO there to properly secure his equipment, house, boat, etc. Now, my grandfather is a very intelligent man. However, for some reason he had/has zero trust and/or faith in weather men and refused to evacuate unless HE thought necessary. By this time, my grandfather was already in his early 70s and Hurricane Dennis was already there. So my uncle (who is two years older than myself - his frontal lobe is not quite as developed as it should be), his brother-in-law (who is Hispanic and at the time knew VERY little English) and Ryan volunteered to go tie everything down. So, they left the party and drove the 2 hr drive into the storm. If you didn't turn onto the driveway for my grandparent's house - you would run into the ocean. The guys parked the truck a ways down the road and walked the rest of the way. The water by the house was already chest high. They got into the house, put valuables (or what was left) in the attic, tied down tanks, etc. Then they decided they had better get back to the truck. The water had already come up to the grill. If Ryan was not a praying man, he became one that night. The truck was minutes from being washed away. It took them nearly 1 hour to get just a few miles to a friend's house more inland. Now, all this time I was at my mother's house waiting for updates. The last time we had heard from them was that the water was already chest high at the house. It was the longest night of my life. Fairly early Sunday morning, the storm was over there and moving toward us (just rain). So they went back to the house and some of the water had receded. Relieved, I went home to prepare for a pirate birthday party in the rain, with 16 kids! Ryan pulled in our driveway about 20 minutes before the party was to begin smelling of gas. I don't know why I remember that but I do. I can still smell it. Anyway, we improvised. We made patches and hooks in the living room, we walked the plank in the kitchen, we had a treasure hunt in the garage. In a moment of desperation, I filled a swimming pool with packing peanuts and put treasures in it. Overall, I think the party was a success despite the horrible rainy weather outside. There were many times after that where someone needed to go back down to the coast - it was never again Ryan. We have gone afterwards to help with the clean-up efforts, but never during. There are some things just not worth losing.

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 3, 4 & 5

2008-08-27T23:34:00.006-04:00

This is Emily on her 3rd birthday. She had an Esmeralda party. At the time, we had never seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame, nor has since then, it become one of our favorites. However, for whatever reason, Emily was taken with the Esmeralda dress at the Disney Store. Emily and I were great window shoppers and the Disney store was one of our favorite places to go. I don't know if it was the jingle in the sash or the colors but it was all Emily would talk about. Well, Ryan and I decided we would splurge and get her the dress. Wouldn't you know that the store was out of her size. And, that was before you could jump on the Internet and order one. So the store said they could order one and it would be shipped directly to our house. I was thrilled. I had never spent so much on a dress, much less a costume dress, and it was going to be shipped to my house BEFORE her birthday, the sales lady assured me. Thirty minutes BEFORE her party was to begin, a friendly lady from the Disney store called to let me know that my order had arrived. We lived in Fletcher and the Disney Store was in Asheville - 30 minutes away. Needless to say, I was livid. We had the party, I had already bought Emily a little Esmeralda dress from Wal-Mart (just in case the Disney store fell through). When the party was over, Emily came into the house, laid on the floor and said she was sleepy. We checked her head, only to find a temperature of 102. So, a sick child, no present from her parents, no fancy Esmeralda dress. The day was a wash.

This is Emily the next day, feeling much better after a few doses of Motrin and a trip to the mall for her dress. It was not a pretty sight at the Disney store. Let's just say, we got five dollars off the price of the dress. It was years before I ever ordered anything from there again. Emily, however, was thrilled and I even let her wear her dress to school (daycare) the next day. For any of you that know me, that was QUITE a stretch! :) The crazy thing is, we are studying the Muslim culture in school and Alexa came down to lunch today wearing this dress. This is her idea of what Muslim women must wear. I guess I got my $25 worth out of this costume.

This is Emily's 4th birthday. This is the party where my love affair with birthdays began. It was by far, my most inspired party. At the time, Emily loved Blue's Clues. It had just begun to come on tv and the market was not crazy like it is now with Blue's Clues EVERYTHING. So, I improvised. My friend Tracey helped me orchestrate the games. We called it Emily's clues. Her cake had her two hands in pink icing on the top. We would play "Emily's Clues" to decide what to do. We had the clues for Duck, Duck, Goose, pin the tail on the donkey, have cake, and open presents. It was ALOT of fun. Ryan said I should sell my idea. Months later, you could buy it in blue's clues form along with a Blue cake pan for $19.99 at Kmart.

These are her friends that came to the party. Poor Taylor, (the only boy) was subject to all of Emily's parties - they were great buds. I have to say, Emily endured her turn at the Tonka party he had. The baby crunched beside Emily is Owen. Our neighbor, Hope, insisted he had to be in the picture.

This is Emily's 5th Birthday. The craze at the time was Arthur. (A couple of months after this, she got a dog which she named Arthur Read.) We just had a small gathering at my moms and we took her to Chuck-E-Cheese. We had just moved to Youngsville a few weeks before and since the school thing hadn't worked out too well, we hadn't met many people. I don't know why I didn't take any pictures at Chuck-E-Cheese. I was still under the impression that GOOD mothers bake birthday cakes and have parties at home. Ha, have I learned MY lesson! :)

Beauty

2008-08-27T09:58:00.010-04:00

This past weekend, we went to the beach. We have been going to this same beach house for a couple of years now. We usually go a couple of times a summer, sometimes for a week, sometimes for just a weekend. However, we hadn't found the time to go yet this summer. We decided on the spur of the moment to go. The house is not right on the beach. It is behind the row of houses right on the beach and across a side street. We can see, hear, and smell the beach from the deck. Anyway, when we got there, we unloaded the car and the kids where begging to "see" the ocean. We walked across the street and up the stairs to reach the ocean. When you get to the landing the picture above is what you see. Alexa, was standing beside me and she says "Wow, the ocean." I say, "Alexa, we have been here a million times, you've seen the ocean before." Taking my hand, she says, "Yes, mommy, but I forget how big and how beautiful it is every time."

I was instantly reminded of child-like faith and making sure I try to see each new day, each new situation, each part of creation as it what created to be: beautiful.

Here are a few more fun pictures. We had a great time.

This is Alexa and Ian playing in the sand. The water was very rough on Saturday morning. They were frustrated that I would not let them go out very far - even though they were "partners" and would look out for one another. I love that they are great playmates.

This is Owen and Emily. The sun was so bright, I was having a hard time seeing what I was actually taking a picture of! We had gone and gotten boogie boards. They had just ridden in a wave.

Ryan had gotten some paddle ball rackets when we went into town. He and Owen were having some fierce paddle ball competitions. You would think they were in the Olympics. The funny thing was I just had to laugh at Ryan's concerns that Owen is "too competitive." That is SO the pot calling the kettle black!!!

This is a picture of Ian and Ryan taken minutes apart. Ian still enjoying and basking in the sun - even though we had been on the beach for two solid straight days. We have never been on the beach so long consecutively, ever. Unfortunately, this is Ryan being held hostage against his will. Unlike the rest of us, Ryan burns just walking to the mailbox. By this time in the weekend, he was ready to go back to the house! :) We had just as much fun at the house too, we played go fish, Banana grams, apples to apples, jr, and uno attack. It was a great time. I love my family and all their quirks too!

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 2

2008-08-21T16:08:00.010-04:00

This is Emily on the day of her second birthday. She was so impressed, she dressed herself. Aren't you impressed by her fashion sense!? I love the mismatched Barney socks and of course, the one glass in the sunglasses. She was about to go lay down for a nap.

We had recently gone to the circus. This is a picture of Ryan getting ready to wake Emily up so we could give her her birthday present early because we were going to a friend's house for dinner. Poor Emily, she was such a sweet guinea pig. She just rolled over and laughed when she saw him and said "you funny daddy" and rolled back over until he whispered "there are presents" you didn't have to tell her twice.

This kitchen center is what we got her for her 2nd birthday. We were SO excited. This is the first thing we had bought (for Emily or otherwise) that was over $100. The funny thing about looking back at this picture is that I (actually Ryan at my request) just put this kitchen center up in the attic because Alexa and Ian were tired of playing with it. We still have all the parts. I guess that was a good $100 investment.

This is her talking on the phone. One of the kids in her daycare had a birthday the day after and we were going to their house to have a birthday celebration for the girls. It was a Lion King theme; that is why she has on her Lion King suit.

This is a picture of her 2nd birthday party. It was just family. My mom made her the carousel cake.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Emily. She loved Snow White. Ryan was out of town taking the CPA exam. I was terrified to stay in our house alone, especially during Halloween. I don't know why Halloween made a difference, but it did. Anyway, my dad took pity on us, took vacation time and came and stayed with us until Ryan got back. Dad and I took Emily to the Fall festival at our church. It's a good thing the wicked stepmother didn't ask the mirror who the fairest in the land was this night. :)

This is Emily's Christmas dress when she was two. I should have actually switched these two pictures because she is older in this picture than the one below. Alexa wore this dress for Christmas up until 2 years ago. My mom made it.

This is Emily's two year old picture. I must have had a thing for hats. She used to carry this little dog around. It is actually one of the first presents Ryan gave me when we were dating. I did not intend for the dog to be in the picture. However, when we got to the place to have her picture made, she freaked out when they changed the background behind her. So, we compromised and let her take her picture with the dog. After that experience, we always left the room when they were changing the backdrop or we picked one and stuck with it.

Happy Birthday Emily - Part 1

2008-08-20T22:36:00.020-04:00

Here are a few pictures from Emily's first year. As much as I wanted to put her first few days up, they are the only ones I have done in scrapbook form; seeing that I only have 4 pages done -(in total of any years) I couldn't bear to undo the pictures so that I could scan them. Here are a few of the details:
We were having a difficult time coming up with a name for the baby. We did not find out whether she was a girl or a boy. So, we had to come up with both. I always assumed I would name a child Jordan. I don't know why - it has just always been what I would name a baby - boy or girl. Well, as it turns out, Ryan has a cousin named Jordan and his mother thought it would be too confusing to have two children in the same family with the same name. (I have seen/met the other Jordan approx. 3 times in all the time I have known Ryan's family.) Anyway, we decided against Jordan. I don't know exactly how the name Emily came to be. I have a great grand mother named Emma Lee but I didn't really know her. We had a friend who died in a car crash in college named Elizabeth and we both liked that name. So we decided we would name a girl Emily Elizabeth (no, I had never heard of the Clifford series at the time) and we would name a boy Zachary Ryan. Wouldn't you know it that the Wed. before she was born (she was born on a Friday) a hurricane hit the NC coast - guess what its name was - yep, Emily. There were 3 other baby girls named Emily in the hospital. I was so mad but by that time we had settled on Emily (that is one of the reasons all our other children have more unique names).
She weighed 9lbs and 13oz and was born at 7:00pm.

She was about 3 weeks old here. One great thing about

her being so big at birth is that she could almost hold her

head up when she was born. We weren't overly

terrified we would break her. Ryan worked on campus and

this the t-shirt the ladies sent Emily. All four kids wore

this shirt.

This is Emily's Christmas dress

she was 3 months old.

This is Ryan and Emily asleep on the couch. That was before we knew she wasn't suppose to sleep on her stomach or on/with a person. Oh well, our bad; although, it seems she survived.

This is Emily at 6 months. I loved this outfit, especially the

hat. I think I still have it somewhere...

This is Emily helping Ryan study for the CPA

exam. We were hoping it would give her a jump

start in Math. I think it backfired on us; she

hates math.

We lived in a small, one room apartment and this was her favorite place to be. She would take all of the Tupperware out and climb in. Even when we moved into a bigger house, she still played in the cabinet. Maybe that's why she has a fear of getting shut in places. Although, I never shut her in the cabinet, I promise. :)

Okay, I have to tell you, we were parents that said our child would not watch television. I think it lasted about 6 months. However, Ryan was insistent that she would NOT watch the new purple dinosaur that came on PBS. Well, one day when Emily was about 3 months old, Ryan heard (on the radio) about a 3 year old who saved his family when his house caught on fire. When asked how he knew what to do, the boy replied he did what Barney had told him to do. So, Ryan recanted and said Barney would be allowed. Emily LOVED Barney. Ryan bought her the very first Barney anything she ever owned (and she owned ALOT of Barney things). This is a picture of Emily's first birthday party. We had it at her babysitter's house. Yep, you guessed it - that's Ryan in that Barney suit!

This is her official "one year old" picture. That purple blob on her leg - yep, it's Barney!

First Day of School

2008-08-18T02:33:00.020-04:00

As I was putting the last of the finishing touches on my "school preparedness"; I began to feel a bit of nostalgia for days gone by. Then, I had to laugh at myself over what a Goober I am. I am SO such a teacher, even when I don't try to be. My children will definitely tell you, it is not my greatest asset! :) See for yourself...

This was the day that started it all. We were so excited. It was her first day of Kindergarten. Sorry, I don't have a picture of her first day of "home school" Kindergarten. Homeschooling was a temporary fix. No need to take pictures. (Are we all laughing at me at this point!) :)

This is the first day of school in 1999. She was such a good sport. Can you see the times of our schedule drawn out on the chart?! This was first grade.

This is not the first day of school but as you can tell it is November. I couldn't find the first day of school for 2000. So, I thought you would enjoy Thanksgiving pictures instead. If you notice, that is a tepee in my kitchen. Yup, we moved the table into the garage and used the tepee for a whole week. Also, no discrimination here; we were Pilgrims AND Indians! (Emily 2nd, Owen pre-preschool)

This was the first day of school in 2001. Alexa was just making sure they were doing it right. :)
(Emily 3rd, Owen preschool, Alexa 8 months)

This is actually the first day of school in 2002. We were having

camera issues. We seem to have a lot of those. (Emily 4th, Owen Kindergarten)

This is actually a random school day in fall of 2003. I have another of this exact picture except that Ian is under the desks with a sheet of star stickers hanging out of his mouth. I know you would have all loved to see that - but I couldn't find that one! (Emily 5th, Owen 1st, Alexa pre-pre-preschool, Ian just zoomed by in his walker.)

This is the First Day of School in 2004. Ian got a "real" desk a few months later because the table just wouldn't do! :) (Emily 6th, Owen 2nd, Alexa pre-preschool, Ian pre-pre-preschool)

First Day of School 2005 (Emily 7th, Owen 3rd, Alexa preschool, Ian pre-preschool) Alexa is holding Flat Zoie; a school project for one of our friends.

First Day of School 2006 (Emily 8th, Owen 4th, Alexa Kindergarten, Ian Preschool) This was our first day in our new school room.

First Day of School 2007 (Emily 9th, Owen 5th, Alexa 1st, Ian Kindergarten)

Back to school 2008. Welcome to the 10th, 6th,

2nd and 1st grades! :)

Call me crazy

2008-08-15T21:57:00.006-04:00

This week, we have been glued to the Olympics. Our favorite part, of course, is the gymnastics. Although, I have to say, swimming has come in a close second this year. Anyway, the other night, we were watching the girl's gymnastics (you will have to forgive me, I really don't pay attention to their names) and one of the girls from the American team was about to vault when the commentator guy said "they have been training for years for the next thirty seconds." I realized that I couldn't watch. I knew in person, at Owen's meets, most of the time, I can barely watch. When I do, I am tense as all get out and holding my breath. I realized I was doing that for each of these girls about to perform. I realized, in that moment, that I am an instant replay kind of watcher! I can close my eyes the first go-round and if it's safe, enjoy it the second time around. Later, the same girl that had done an excellent vault fell during her floor routine. I felt SO badly for her! She went from a high of being the best score on vault to the bottom, being the lowest on floor. The bottom line is that both times, she was doing the very best she could. The purpose of this post is two fold: 1. Call me crazy; but, I do not desire to ever have a child compete in the Olympics and 2. don't we all train years and years for the next 30 seconds? If we don't, we should. "Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them." Ecclesiastes 9:12

The Reaction

2008-08-04T22:54:00.002-04:00

Okay, sorry it has taken me so long to post her reaction. She loved the room but I believe she was a bit stunned. Unfortunately, she is like her mother and is too much of a control freak to love surprises. She was a little worried about where all her "things" were. It was all a bit overwhelming (as you can tell in the video). The other kids were so excited about them being home and about her finally seeing her room. At first, I was a little unsure of whether or not she liked it. After a few days, I could tell she really did. Now, she has that relaxed "I love my new room" attitude and face. Like I said, I won't be doing any "surprise" room make-overs anytime soon!

(Sorry, after letting it download for nearly 1 hour - it told me there was a problem downloading the video. You'll just have to imagine a stunned Emily walking through the barrier of paper { I will put that picture up so you can imagine} with Ian jumping across the two beds, Owen letting her know how many furniture stores we had to go to and Alexa insanely taking her picture over and over.) Yep, that's how crazy it was! :)

More complete project photos

2008-07-24T22:31:00.005-04:00

Mom and I taking a break - Alexa caught us! :)

Alexa reminding us that "it's a secret"

Project - Complete

2008-07-24T22:14:00.006-04:00

As far as I am concerned, Ty Pennington can keep his job! By this afternoon, I didn't care what was left to put away or where it went. Luckily, my mom was still here and wanted to see the "finished" project before she left. Here are the before and after shots. To me, the room still looks kind of cluttered but you have to remember that two very different, unique girls are living in this room. I definitely think Emily is going to be very surprised and like it very much. Owen wanted to know when I was going to start working on the boy's room. My response was "no time soon" I also doubt I attempt another project like this with Ryan out of town. My mom and dad were great (you should have seen my mom with that power drill!) but it is not the same as having Ryan here to complain to! :) Tomorrow I promised a trip to the museum and no "room" stuff at all. Owen decided it was a good thing that the seventh day was declared a day of "rest" and he is very much looking forward to it.

Secret project - Day 5

2008-07-24T22:03:00.002-04:00

Day 5 was a bust. The furniture was supposed to be here in the window of noon - four. We waited around, took turns taking a shower for fear that they may show up early or call with a little more exact time. About 1:30 someone called to say "they are running a little later than expected." I didn't really know what time they were "expected" so I called back and she said later than 4. So, we waited around a little longer, mom and the kids got in the pool, I worked on a little school, etc. We were really at a stand still until the furniture arrived. Well, at 5 minutes before 4 they came down our road. The driver stopped at our mailbox for the other man to verify the address. We had ordered a lot of furniture so I told them I did not care if they drove in the grass to the front door. Like I said, they pulled in at 3:55 - this is what it looked like at 4:10. I don't know if you can tell it or not but it was a torrential down pour. It was raining so hard and fast I was worried I would have a rooms to go truck in our front yard forever! Finally, the men got the furniture set up and we went back to work.

Secret project - Day 4

2008-07-23T10:47:00.010-04:00

Here are pictures of our day four project. I had to call in all the reinforcements to help get the painting finished. :) As you can tell, I do not believe in child-labor laws. We actually finished moving everything out this morning (because I had to put everything into Owen's room and I didn't want them tripping and killing themselves during the night). Now, we are all ready and just waiting on the furniture.

Secret project - Day 3

2008-07-21T23:54:00.005-04:00

This is the progress from day 3 (Monday).

I know it looks as though I have gone crazy, maybe I have, I'm not really sure. The front and back walls are green, Emily's side is blue and purple and Alexa's side will be pink (of course!) Tomorrow, we have to finish Alexa's side and roll Emily's side. It looks much better in person than the pictures show.

Secret project - Day 2

2008-07-21T23:49:00.005-04:00

This was the progress I had made by the second day (Sunday).

Secret project - Day 1

2008-07-21T23:30:00.005-04:00

These are all "before" shots - this is day one (Saturday).

I am finally ready to reveal my last and final project before climbing the school-planning mountain. We had always told Emily that if having her own room was so important, that she may move into her own room when she was fifteen. The room she was going to move into was at first my sister's room when she lived with us for a while, then it was the tv/playstation room and then earlier this year we transformed it into our school room. We are not - at the kitchen table homeschoolers - I mean sometimes we do but it works better for our family to have a "school" space. So, recently Emily decided she liked the school room as it was and would like to stay in the room with Alexa but would like new furniture, with separate beds. The girls have always had my childhood bedroom set. It is a full canopy bed and one has the dresser and one has the chest. So, last weekend Ryan and I (and Alexa, Owen & Ian) went to one million furniture stores (according to Owen) and we finally picked out a new bedroom suit for the girls. Two beds, two nightstand tables, one dresser and one chest. Of course then, it needed new coordinating comforters and fresh paint. This is what Emily wanted for her birthday and even though her birthday is not for another month, we (me) decided it would be fun to surprise her while she was gone on a missions trip. About two containers and three trips to Wal-Mart later, I have decided that this may not have been the brightest idea I have ever had. It is hard deciding what her "treasures" are and what to leave out vs store in the attic. It is hard moving all of the old furniture, luckily my dad came and helped me get that all put away (thanks, dad). My mom came up today to go paint shopping with me and to help me get everything put away and painted (thanks, mom) to be ready for the new furniture being delivered on Wednesday. I promise - this is my LAST project before school starts!

Saying thanks

2008-07-17T23:01:00.002-04:00

Well, it is official. The craft room really does have carpet and it is the same color as the carpet in the rest of the house. I am still not finished and I have a list of needed containers a mile long. Small ones for crafty projects. Earlier this week someone did something very special for Alexa and I was telling her she needed to send a "Thank you" note. So, this morning we got out paper, pencil and a thank you card (yes, I really do own some). She dictated to me what she wanted to say and I wrote it down on the blank paper for her to copy into the card. I was sitting at the table with her as she wrote. When she was about half way down the card she realized that dictating was MUCH easier than writing so she started trying to alter some of the things she had previously said - making it much shorter. I told her how important is was to properly thank someone for the kindness they had shown. She replied, "well, after every birthday you tell me I have to write thank you notes and you always forget and never make me - why can't we just do that?" Ouch, she's right. Every year we BUY the themed thank you notes only never to send them. To add further insult to injury, this afternoon I found the thank you notes from Ian's birthday (LAST SEPTEMBER). The worst part of it was we had written his - only never mailed. Disgusted, I threw them away. I doubt his friends much less family even remember what they gave him nearly a year ago. They would think I was crazy! I did make an announcement that "Thank you" notes were getting moved a little higher on the list. I know the giver is not looking for a proper "thanks" but don't we all like a little " I appreciate all your effort" notice every once in a while?! So, if you have ever done something wonderful, given us a wonderful gift, and never received a thanks, I humbly apologize and sincerely say "THANKS!"

Busy as usual

2008-07-15T23:31:00.002-04:00

Twice now I have sat down to blog only to find myself in a negative mood. I named my blog "A Day at the Office" not "Eve's place to whine, complain, gripe, etc." So, in an effort to be more upbeat, I am only going to list my blessings rather than my grievances. Here have been my accomplishments: pretty much my whole house (except the attic) is clutter free. I have one project and the overpowering craft room left and I am free. I have developed a pretty good system of how (hopefully) we will be able to keep it up. Most rooms have been good for a few weeks and we haven't been doing too bad. However, once school starts its a whole other ball game. Speaking of school, I officially have (or have ordered) all of my materials, curriculum, etc through Christmas. I spent hours last night pouring over a zillion lists and hopefully I got what everybody needed. So, tonight the last thing on my list for today was a new blog entry. When I read people's blogs I get so disappointed when they hadn't written anything for a while; sort of like "I cannot believe they did not have anything to share with me." When the truth of the matter is a day can turn into a week which turns into a month which turns into a year! So, house clean and clutter free, school books ordered, new blog entry - check, check, check - now I can go to bed with a clear conscious and sleep like a baby leaving all of tomorrow for tomorrow. Yeah right, I guess I'm already dreaming! :)

Superwoman

2008-07-01T16:53:00.005-04:00

Okay, I know it is hard for some of you to believe, but I do really want to be superwoman! I want a spotless house; a wonderfully well-educated, well-groomed, well-fed, thankful family; useful hobbies, beautiful scrapbooks, etc, etc, etc. I can hear what some of you are saying it is either "Yeah, I want those things too" or "You're standards are too high." I know that most of you want those things too. However, I bet you don't get in a foul "don't talk to me because things aren't going my way" mood whenever the "I am" gets overpowered by the "I want to be." Okay, my latest breakdown happened yesterday. I decided a week ago (actually a week and a day) that our house was entirely too cluttered. I do not like clutter; I cannot think, work, process in clutter. Anyway, so I decided to go from room to room decluttering. I gave myself one week. Does anyone see the problem in my dilemma? I SCOURED my bathroom (I mean I cleaned out the drawers, cabinets, everything) I washed everything! Ryan asked were we planning on having supper on the bathroom floor (that was after he realized I used his toothbrush to scrub up a stain - in my defense, I thought it was an old one.) Then, I went on to my closet, then my bedroom (I mean junk drawers, under the bed, EVERYTHING). That was four days, three bags of trash and two and a half yard sale bins later. Next, I moved on to the office. Now the office had never been completely clean since the get-go. So, I decided to rearrange, then I decided it really could use some paint but I couldn't decide what color to paint until I bought curtains and since I couldn't find any pre-made ones, I found fabric I liked "how long could it take to whip up three valances!?" So, last night I began to have a melt down because I still have the TV room, the schoolroom and the craft room(which is the WORST one of all AND the one that has the sewing machine I need to whip up those previously mentioned valances). I still have the kids rooms too but I did theirs on my last tirade so theirs won't be bad. However, last night my meltdown occurred once I realized that it is was going to be July 1st and I had not done ANY school planning. School will start in 7 weeks and I have done nothing! So, I begin to rant and rave that this school year is going to be a complete bust. I might as well throw in the towel and cut my losses now rather than later! I began brewing around 3:00pm yesterday(about the time I discovered Food Lion was out of the majority of the things on my list) and by 10:30 last night Ryan was so tired of my stomping around he began to follow me around with the WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! attitude. Once I rattled off my list; that I wanted to cook nutritious meals all three meals everyday, that my newly scrubbed bathroom was already in need of another cleaning, that our children were going to have to wander aimlessly through their curriculum this whole school year, I have gone one week without excerising, no one makes decent pre-made curtains, Food Lion was out of the soup I needed for that nutritional meal I cooked no one wanted to eat, etc, etc; He laughed. I mean, a he- couldn't- keep -it -in- any-longer belly laugh. HOW RUDE! Eventually, I had to laugh too, I mean after all, I do have SEVEN weeks! :)